Along came a girl...

Heh, I wish.
Nice provocative title to catch your attention eh? Today's topic is gonna be an interesting one. Brace yourself for the ride!

Well, the title is not entirely false. Ever since I've started my university life and getting to mix around with girls (which I apparently have not done in a long time), I can slowly see myself changing. In most ways for the better, and maybe in some ways not as desirable. On a whole though, I find the change to be overall a positive one, and it had been a long time coming. Yep, that kinda makes my life sound rather sad. But unfortunately, it's true.

I'm seriously risking exposing my identity here, but I think I shall give a brief history about myself now. Let's say my interactions with girls have been minimal to non-existent throughout my entire life. Yep you heard right, ENTIRE LIFE. It's gonna be a long story, but you'll have to bear with me because I got more than an hour to spare while waiting for my download to complete. =P

I guess my life can be classified into several phases. The first of which is the infant to small child phase. From 0 years old to about 5 years old? Well, at this point in life, I don't really recall much from this period. I mean I was really young and more or less behaved like any other kid? The only defining difference is that I spent 2 years of my early childhood in England because my Dad was finishing his degree there. Now that I think about it, that could have had some impact. Because of the fact that I was a foreigner there, I had lesser friends as not all of the British kids would mix around with me. I don't remember too much about it to give full details though, but I was one naughty and rebellious kid back then. I think I had 2 to 3 close friends. I remember 1 was Italian and 1 was Arabic. And me the Asian kid. I guess we outcasts hang together huh? Wow, now that I recall, perhaps I had been out casted since I was a small kid!

Next phase of life was when I returned back home to begin Primary School education. For those who don't know what this means, it's from around 7 years old to about 12 years old. Although my primary school education is broken into 2 phases as well. The first was during the first 3 years. I was enrolled into a relatively more prestigious (only slightly) boys school. I had a ton of fun! mixed around, made a couple of friends, "foes" and totally enjoyed almost every moment there. Though at this point it's still near 0 interactions with girls. Still, I really enjoyed it... It's a pity it wasn't meant to last as in my third year, my dad's company was shifting their offices to another area and it would be really inconvenient for him to travel the long distance everyday, so we had to move house. Now, what that also means is that it would be really inconvenient for me to travel to school everyday as well. Which simply means I had to transfer school as well. :(

"Thankfully", there was a new Primary school so conveniently built right beside my new house. Meaning I could walk to school within 5 minutes everyday. However, being in a neighbourhood school is a way different experience, and this was a coed (mixed) school. So I would have to learn to interact with girls... or not. I mainly still only mixed around with the boys either as a matter of habit or because still being a child meant I didn't like girls yet. At the same time, I remembered that I was really angry with my parents for making me lose all my old friends (there was no Facebook back then!), so I continued with my mischievous and rebellious behaviour. Oh, and the year I transferred in was also the Streaming year, which meant I would be changing classes again the following year after the exams. There goes my newly made friend again. Cool thing was I got to go to the best class, not so cool was the fact that almost nobody bothered to talk to me there, and I hated my teachers too. So I proceeded to drop to the second class the following year. This turned out to be much more decent as I made a few friend there. Was the best time I had in that lousy school, pity it was only in the last year. Surprisingly, because the seats were forced-assigned to us, I was seated beside a girl.

This girl was really sweet and kinda cute, she actually started talking to me first, and was really nice. We even shared stationaries at times. A completely new experience for me. I still remember that time when I topped my class for the Science exam, and she came in second. That felt like it really meant something for the both of us. I think I really liked her, but being the stubborn kid I was, I of course totally denied everything. Too late for regrets anyway. After our final year, we split up and went to different schools. She went to a girl's school and I went off to a boy's school. And we lost contact never to see each other again. :'(



After my second year Streaming exam, I dropped to the third class due to my poor results in math. I believe that at this stage I totally had no motivation to study. It seemed like a straight journey downhill. Between my second to third year was when I started to really like girls. That was also when I started to miss that "girlfriend" I had in Primary School. I would continue to think about her every once in awhile, and somehow that motivated me strangely. I fantasised about the both of us doing really well again, and ending up in the same school again. Looking back, it was certainly a little crazy and all, but you need to factor in the fact of my raging teen hormones back then. What's more surprising was that it somehow worked! I topped my class multiple times in English and Science throughout my third and fourth year, and in the final exams I exceeded both mine and my parents' expectations. It wasn't fantastic, but good enough to proceed on to the next phase of education.
A thing to note here is the fact of 0% girl interactions in Secondary School. In my teen years no less! I do believe that would have had some profound impact.

So the next phase of life is Junior College education. This is from 17 years old to 18 years, a short 2 years. Now, after my terrible experience in Secondary School, I sought to once again find my happiness in a mixed school and hopefully find a girl who would talk to me (teenagers and raging hormones). Junior College education is alot different from the previous schools in that we get to choose which subjects we would like to study, with certain subjects being compulsory of course. I didn't mention my interest in computers in this post because that could fill an entire post itself, but due to my interest and strengths, I decided to go for the combination with Computing and Physics. I hadn't realised, but it seem that there was little surprise that there would be very little girls taking this combination, and hence very few girls in my class. When I say 'few', that is an overstatement. To be exact, there were 2 girls in my class, and only 1 took Computing, and she had a boyfriend already. Hence, I pretty much spent those 2 years also with very few interactions with girls. Pretty much the same quiet and reclusive person I have been for quite a long time.

That leads me to my current phase in life.

What was the point of saying all that? What was the point of typing out my entire life story? Well, I guess I just wanted to reflect more on my life in hindsight and see what mistakes I may have made, or what caused me to become what I am today.

But I plan to change all of that! In recent years, I have matured much in my thoughts and ways of thinking. And I feel that it is in my best interests to change my personality and to socialise more. It is no easy feat mind you. And it is going to take a lot of time before I get it right. But if I don't start, I'll never do it. Even if it means taking little baby steps at a time, I am still wiling to give it a try, but I need to be granted some time to make little adjustments. And indeed I have. I went for the orientation, and talked to the people in my group and made friends with them. Still didn't really mix around with the people in my classes, but I'm still learning.

Then along came a girl...

We met through doing projects together, and after frequent chats online and through sms, I find that I really get along well with her. I feel as though there is something between us, though I'm not sure if it could work out. But I certainly want it to. Could this be the same experience from Primary School repeating again? Could it motivate me as it had in Secondary School? Will I ever stop being a coward and start speaking up? Only time will tell. I will certainly put in the best of my efforts, so cheer me on! =)


Whoa! super long story. And my download ended long ago! I had better sleep soon. It's 3 AM, and I'm meeting my friend for a jump start lesson in Java Programming tomorrow. One last song for the night then.





BYE!!