Wise quote from a stranger...

I was on the train home some time during the end of last year, when I heard 3 boys whom I assumed were from Polytechnic, talking about this guy's girlfriend. At that period of time, When I heard the quote I thought it was ridiculous, but somehow it stuck in my head, and as cruel as fate would have it, it now actually applies to me....

Anyway, here's how it went:

我不可能因为一个女孩而破坏我的人生

I think that was the gist of it. My Chinese isn't the best, so it could have been off by a few words.
For the benefit of my non-chinese speaking readers, here is what it translate to in english:

Directly translated it means:
I can't possibly because a girl and destroy my life. 

More accurately, it means "I can't possibly ruin my life just because of a girl". And I feel there is much truth in this phrase. Apparently I'm not too experienced in relationships as these Poly jocks. Then again, it is to be expected as I've been pretty anti-social all my life.

Conclusion? I need to learn to let go. What's not mine, in the very end it's just not meant to be mine. Time heals all wounds, and when the time is right, the perfect soulmate I will find. There is literally no need to brood over spilt milk. What's important is to stay positive and look to the future, because it will be a bright one!


Hope this brings much wisdom to everyone. May you learn from my experiences and not fall the same way I did. Life is about fun, nothing should have the right to change that! So until next time, have fun!!


~TheObserver

Kidz in Love

Warning. Explicit video.




There is an ammended version. But I went to find the original explicit one, because it is so much more powerful in terms of impact. Have I mentioned I love this song? The lyrics are so amazing.

I look back to the one and only summer time
And my girl was the envy of every friend of mine
She slept safely in my arms
We were so young and invincible

Closed lips, she was never one to kiss and tell
Those trips in the summer never went so well
Young love is such dumb love
Call it what you want it was still enough

And you're still out of me reach
And you're still all of the things
That I want in my life
How could I ask you to leave me?

And we were just kids in love
The summer was full of mistakes we wouldn't learn from
The first kiss stole the breath from my lips
Why did the last one tear us apart?

Our breath smelled of cigarettes and alcohol
We'd walk down the beach counting every star
Our hearts beat inside our chest
Leaving us gasping for every breath

Her smile with the wind blowing through her hair
Was so contagious in the air
So satisfying and I'm still smiling

And you're still out of me reach
And you're still all of the things
That I want in my life
How could I ask you to leave me?

And we were just kids in love
The summer was full of mistakes we wouldn't learn from
The first kiss stole the breath from my lips
Why did the last one tare us apart?

We're falling down, can we pick up the pieces?
We're at an all time low, how do we get it back?
We're falling down, can we pick up the pieces?

We're falling down, can we pick up the pieces now?

And we were just kids in love
The summer was full of mistakes we wouldn't learn from
The first kiss stole the breath from my lips
Why did the last one tare us....

We were just kids in love
The summer was full of mistakes we wouldn't learn from
The first kiss stole the breath from my lips
Why did the last one tare us apart?

We were just kids in love
The summer was full of mistakes we wouldn't learn from
The first kiss stole the breath from my lips
Why did the last one tear us apart?

 

 

This set of lyrics is not accurate. It should be "tear" instead of "tare".

But seriously. Why did the last one tear us apart?

T_T

The dreaded chat log...

The dreaded chat log, and probably the last one I'll be saving. I can always look to this if I need to cry it out for some reason. A short concise yet devastation blow, that shatters one's heart into infinitesimal pieces.

And yes, I do save all our conversations chat logs on my PC. What else can I do? When all is said and done, the only thing left are the memories... All these text files are the memories left to me. I believe I still have our very first conversation somewhere in that folder...

I probably shouldn't be pouting. I mean, the right thing would be to give them my blessings and wish them all the best right? Well, fuck that. I can't bring myself to even think about it. In fact it's sad to say this, but in some corner of my mind, I actually hope their relationship fails. It sure wouldn't make me happy to see her upset, but at this point I think anything would be better than this, and I sure I can make her much happier....

Ok, before I start to sound more and more like a bastard, I think I should end off this post. One word to sum up the situation? Tragic.

This changes Everything Forever

If you've never read my blog before, I post alot of stuff last year:
http://my-observatory.blogspot.com/2011/01/re-inactivity-and-back-to-school.html

about how I looked forward to starting the new semester, and hopefully become more motivated. Having a study partner, and a close friend to talk to. Now that she has a boyfriend, that changes everything!

Now I'm just left feeling empty. Hollow on the inside. It totally tore me apart to be honest. Even though I try to put up a brave front, deep down I know nothing will ever be the same again. When I think of her, my heart will ache, and then I will think of him, and then I feel like grabbing the nearest weapon. Sigh... Why did it have to turn out this way?

More importantly, where the hell did he come from? I don't think she knew him before last semester's holiday break. Yet she knew me right from the start of last semester. Of course, duration accounts for nothing in this case. I mean, it would have be more bearable if they were long time friends, but this random dude just came in from nowhere and snatched the girl? wtf?

I really don't wanna sound like a sore loser. But I think in this case, "sore" is a super understatement of the situation. Something closer to excruciating, would describe it alot better. Sore loser I am not. A sore loser would constantly try to spite them and do random things just to irritate him. I regard myself as a Knight. I live by a certain code of honour, a bushido if you will. I would never do such petty things.

Rather, I shall be forever waiting on the sidelines, waiting for the opportunity. Because from my initial assessment of him, I can guarantee that he is unable to provide for her. He just isn't capable enough. To put it straight., he was never competing on the same level as me to begin with. The reason he won, was sheer dumb luck, a little blind guts, and with some dirty tricks, that's all.

And so, I honestly expect him to mess up sooner or later. And when he does mess up, I just want her to know that I will always be available by her side, ready to be that knight in shining armour, to save the princess.

Cliche. But true.

Before I kill myself

I was thinking of just going to sleep, to sleep it away.
But I think I had better post here first, to prevent me from just killing myself. Coz when it all explodes, I might just do that. I mean it. Seriously.

A short background for my readers. Brand J and Miss J actually meant the same this. Or rather, the same girl. Her name is Jaslyn. And I really felt attracted to her. At least, until now....


Perhaps I was fooled all along. Perhaps they just hadn't announced it yet, but she now has a boyfriend. Ouch, super ultimate heartbreak. I could just kill myself right here, right now. It's my first time feeling this way too.

I should have suspected something was up with that motherfucker. Desmond. Argh. What kind of qualifications does he have? He is even uglier than me! WTF! I just don't get it at all. Maybe it's just my luck. Maybe it was because I hadn't acted sooner. Maybe I'm just too new to this kind of things. It's my first time failing after all.

Now I really hate him to the core, but I still don't hate her. How could I? She was the perfect person in my mind. She just made a wrong decision. It happens right? Maybe one day she will come to her senses and realise me.

YEAH RIGHT!

Those kind of fairy tales don't even happen in TV shows!

So, what can I do? I wish I knew... Anyone has friendly advice?


Fuck it. I'm just gonna go sleep now.




Permanent Heartbreak indeed...

Emo Corner

Sad day today.
Actually it was a rather happy day. It's just that I made myself more sad.

I reject my friends for an offer to eat lunch with them! On 2 occasions!
You'd think I'll learn after all these times right?!

NO! Because I'm too stupid.

I guess maybe I was too afraid to take a leap of faith. Debra was around, and
I not too sure why, but she totally hates me to the core. Everytime give me that
hateful stare. >:-(

I have nothing against people who hate me though. It just makes interacting with them
so much harder. This applies to interacting with people around them. >.<

I was supposed to eat lunch with Miss J and her friend. Who knew Debra and another person
had to show up. Made the whole situation so awkward!

Fight or Flight?

You know I more of the "Flight" kinda person. Naturally I chose to bail out. So sad I missed a
good opportunity. Haiz...

It's not that there have been no improvements though. I feel I have come a long way since my past days. Where I was the ultimate hermit. Not interacting with anyone, and just keep to myself 24/7. Now at least I talk to others.... if they talk to me first. Hey, change takes time ok!

Ok, maybe I don't have too much time. People have their patience too. And I need to just let it all go and go with the flow. Maybe it's for the best... Anything for Miss J then.

Valentine's Day... :(

Hey guys. I'm back to make another emo post. Haven't done it in awhile.
From now on though, I may do it on an ad-hock basis. Depends on my mood. I try to avoid it though.

Valentine's Day totally sucked. I was stuck at home coz I had no lessons in school. So I didn't get to meet Miss J(name kept anonymous for privacy reasons). :'(

I wanna kill myself right now. I so strongly felt like I should have got her something. Or that I should have gone to school to meet her. But I DIDN'T! I dunno wtf I'm doing. It was a  great opportunity for me to send a great hint/signal. I guess I was just too much of a coward to do so...

Or I could have made a digital gift. In terms of a program, like what one of her friends gave her. Why didn't I think of that?! As a consolation, I did make a youtube video for VDay though. But as my usual coward self, I didn't present it to her directly. I simple hinted her name inside, as a 'hidden' puzzle. (It's really easy to decipher)

Will that be enough? Will it be too late coz I posted it in the afternoon? Or will she never see it at all? Haiz, self-induced paranoia again. I inherited it from my mom. =(

I seriously doubt anyone sees this, and for sure she doesn't know of this blog. But... I just wanna say I love her very much, and I hope someday she finds out, and feels the same way about me. I really need someone I can connect with, someone to share with, someone to love. And I want that someone to be you. Miss J.