I know, I know. I haven't been posting anything in the past couple of days.
I just got so busy, and hungover the late nights and all. Now I'm feeling kinda sick.
Anyway, I promise I will post it soon. And that will be motivation for the new year.
Meanwhile, I got a music video I wanna share.
The intro is wicked sick man. What a way to open.
They are slowly becoming one of my favorite bands.
Anyway, check back real soon for the upcoming MEGA post!
cya! :)
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
About my day
Ok, the outing today (or rather yesterday was awesome).
We basically went to Cafe Cartel for dinner, and sat there for hours and hours and just chatted away.
Fun times. We also discussed alot about University Modules and stuff, coz that's what we have in common. But also several people have "expressed" their love interests, and lots of jokes and laughter was ensured.
I'm more of the quiet type though. Best to keep quiet so as not too attract too much curiosity and inquiry. Especially since I have a more fragile ego and sensitive feelings. It didn't always used to be like this. My super human ego was fractured in secondary school... Ever since then, I have become more timid and fragile. Been trying to change that back though. But it had been fractured rather badly. It's gonna take alot more than simple glue and tape to put it back together.
Anyway, today was fun. We took a few pics too, and it should be up on Facebook soon. :)
Oh well, I had other things I wanted to post.
But It's getting kinda late, I just got back, and haven't took a shower.
Just in case I forget, and as sort of a preview, here is the topic I will post about next:
"Patriarchy"
Yep. An exciting post to look forward to.
Till next time fellow observers! (I'll start calling my readers that)
Bye!
~TheObserver
We basically went to Cafe Cartel for dinner, and sat there for hours and hours and just chatted away.
Fun times. We also discussed alot about University Modules and stuff, coz that's what we have in common. But also several people have "expressed" their love interests, and lots of jokes and laughter was ensured.
I'm more of the quiet type though. Best to keep quiet so as not too attract too much curiosity and inquiry. Especially since I have a more fragile ego and sensitive feelings. It didn't always used to be like this. My super human ego was fractured in secondary school... Ever since then, I have become more timid and fragile. Been trying to change that back though. But it had been fractured rather badly. It's gonna take alot more than simple glue and tape to put it back together.
Anyway, today was fun. We took a few pics too, and it should be up on Facebook soon. :)
Oh well, I had other things I wanted to post.
But It's getting kinda late, I just got back, and haven't took a shower.
Just in case I forget, and as sort of a preview, here is the topic I will post about next:
"Patriarchy"
Yep. An exciting post to look forward to.
Till next time fellow observers! (I'll start calling my readers that)
Bye!
~TheObserver
Monday, December 27, 2010
Pissed Off!
Not at anyone in particular.
But rather at my ISP. Been having connection issues the whole day. It's making me hopping mad! Argh!! D:
And the worst thing is that the company is practically a monopoly in our small country. Guess the big guys tend to rest on their laurels eh? Bastards.
That's about to change soon though. I hope.
Coz they recently introduced fibre optics technology in our homes, and thus bringing in new players into the industry. I hope more competition keeps them honest, rather than just one big ISP collusion.
Though the technical backbone of the Internet as a whole is still owned by my ISP. Dammit.
So much for fair play.
Been rather angry the whole day. This song kind of loosens up the mood though. A rock-tastic song to blast out all that energy! RAWR!
K, nothing much else to post about.
Going out with some of my Uni friends tomorrow. Hopefully that will lighten my mood and ease up my feelings a little bit. Looking forward to that.
We'll see how it goes, then hopefully I'll post up something tomorrow.
Night! :)
But rather at my ISP. Been having connection issues the whole day. It's making me hopping mad! Argh!! D:
And the worst thing is that the company is practically a monopoly in our small country. Guess the big guys tend to rest on their laurels eh? Bastards.
That's about to change soon though. I hope.
Coz they recently introduced fibre optics technology in our homes, and thus bringing in new players into the industry. I hope more competition keeps them honest, rather than just one big ISP collusion.
Though the technical backbone of the Internet as a whole is still owned by my ISP. Dammit.
So much for fair play.
Been rather angry the whole day. This song kind of loosens up the mood though. A rock-tastic song to blast out all that energy! RAWR!
K, nothing much else to post about.
Going out with some of my Uni friends tomorrow. Hopefully that will lighten my mood and ease up my feelings a little bit. Looking forward to that.
We'll see how it goes, then hopefully I'll post up something tomorrow.
Night! :)
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Christmas is Over!!
Yep. Christmas is officially over as I post this.
I guess I was waiting, and hoping for something to happen, but it never did. Oh well. :(
At least I spent the whole day with some quality time with my family. And of course, ate and ate and ate some more. So, I gotta go down for a run tomorrow, all the eating this holiday is starting to build up around the belly if you know what I mean. lol =P
Moving to other topics... I've been having weird dreams lately. Just a few days ago, I had a dream about me and my dad going into some video game, and fighting out the enemies. With some beautiful reward for the hero (me).....
Just today, I had a significant weird dream as well... I can't remember exactly what it was, but somehow I woke up thinking of Ahn So Hee from Wonder Girls. You know, one of the girls from the video "Nobody" I posted many posts ago. The cutest one.. >.<
Now, I don't usually admit such things, but I guess I'm gonna have to kind of eat my words about the whole K-Pop thing. Partially at least. I have not exactly seen many J-Pop girlbands, go the K-Pop ones technically didn't really copy much in this department. Plus they ARE kind of pretty... x.x
But I still detest boybands, Korean or otherwise. I'm a boy, so my opinion might be warped, but boybands seem so gay to me. Ok quick poll, how many of you think boybands are gay, vs how many of you think girlbands are lesbian? I think many of you will come to the same conclusions. Besides, even if both were true, lesbians are hot, gays are just downright disgusting...
Just sayin'
Aw damn. Why did I have to go think of So Hee? I guess I was imagining a female classmate attending lessons with me, and then in the dream she got tired in lecture, and just decided to lean on my shoulder (glad to offer btw), and then I pat her head for some strange reason, and then it all went well from there, to a happily ever after....
I wasn't thinking of So Hee at that time, but someone else, it's just that my weird dream threw me that cute face, so that was that. In fact I didn't know So Hee's name until I went to search it out just now. Lol. Don't get me wrong, she IS cute though. It's just that I was thinking of another person.... Sigh, Santa didn't give me anything this year.
God dammit, I feel so deprived. Super lack of Element G, going cold turkey here... X.X
Oh well, best not spoil the festive season. One more video then.
Once again, Merry Christmas to all of you! :D
I guess I was waiting, and hoping for something to happen, but it never did. Oh well. :(
At least I spent the whole day with some quality time with my family. And of course, ate and ate and ate some more. So, I gotta go down for a run tomorrow, all the eating this holiday is starting to build up around the belly if you know what I mean. lol =P
Moving to other topics... I've been having weird dreams lately. Just a few days ago, I had a dream about me and my dad going into some video game, and fighting out the enemies. With some beautiful reward for the hero (me).....
Just today, I had a significant weird dream as well... I can't remember exactly what it was, but somehow I woke up thinking of Ahn So Hee from Wonder Girls. You know, one of the girls from the video "Nobody" I posted many posts ago. The cutest one.. >.<
Now, I don't usually admit such things, but I guess I'm gonna have to kind of eat my words about the whole K-Pop thing. Partially at least. I have not exactly seen many J-Pop girlbands, go the K-Pop ones technically didn't really copy much in this department. Plus they ARE kind of pretty... x.x
But I still detest boybands, Korean or otherwise. I'm a boy, so my opinion might be warped, but boybands seem so gay to me. Ok quick poll, how many of you think boybands are gay, vs how many of you think girlbands are lesbian? I think many of you will come to the same conclusions. Besides, even if both were true, lesbians are hot, gays are just downright disgusting...
Just sayin'
Aw damn. Why did I have to go think of So Hee? I guess I was imagining a female classmate attending lessons with me, and then in the dream she got tired in lecture, and just decided to lean on my shoulder (glad to offer btw), and then I pat her head for some strange reason, and then it all went well from there, to a happily ever after....
I wasn't thinking of So Hee at that time, but someone else, it's just that my weird dream threw me that cute face, so that was that. In fact I didn't know So Hee's name until I went to search it out just now. Lol. Don't get me wrong, she IS cute though. It's just that I was thinking of another person.... Sigh, Santa didn't give me anything this year.
God dammit, I feel so deprived. Super lack of Element G, going cold turkey here... X.X
Oh well, best not spoil the festive season. One more video then.
Once again, Merry Christmas to all of you! :D
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Results Results
O-M-G!
The results were release recently, and pee-ew doesn't it stink bad. A whole bunch of Bs and Cs, and the total cumulative point score suck balls, clocking only 60%. Guess I'm not the marketing genius I thought I was. At least I'm not good with the theory. I do still believe I have some raw untapped talent there. But it was a competitive course, and I was pushed down to a C as a result.
This sucks!
But why would you care? Why would anyone care?
I read this in a horoscope once (god, I can't believe I'm reduced to quoting horoscopes), I can't remember the exact words, but the gist of the meaning is: don't keep complaining to others, they don't usually care. While the accuracy of the horoscope for that day was totally unimportant to me, the sentence stuck in my head for quite long.
It makes sense right? Humans are a narcissistic species, and most people only care about themselves or what benefits them most. Nobody gives a fucking damn (excuse the language) about what the fuck you are feeling, as long as they go on and continue to lead they happy jolly little lives. It's every man for himself. It's sounds tough, but that's the sad truth of the world. It's survival of the fittest, and that's all it is. It may be packaged in a nice way, converted up and sweetened into various flavours and different packages. But when it's all torn out, and stripped bare, that's what you get. It's as simple as that, and I can't believe I forgot that.
Now I remember.
And don't even start asking me about the so called "selfless" and caring people. The social workers and volunteers, the people who actively donate to the needy, the very religious people. Like I said, it's all for selfish reasons. These people are just Self-righteous. They either do what they do because there is some benefits for them in the end, or because it "makes them feel good". The second of which is a rather common explanation. How is this selfish? Well, the action is indeed "selfless" and all, but the reasons and motivation behind it all is a selfish one, they do it for their sake rather than for the person in need, otherwise you can safely conclude they are not doing it willingly. Hence, either way they are just as selfish.
It's the selfish and narcissistic nature of humans.
But it's not necessarily wrong... It's only natural. But it is the sad truth, and I'm rather upset to learn (or rather re-learn) that humanity is this way.
Upsetting, sure. But nonetheless, it's a necessary truth to know. Not exactly the perfect motto to live by, but simply to acknowledge as a fact and thus act accordingly. Or engineer your actions such that they all benefit you, either short or long term. Basically, don't be a "selfless" moron.
But more useful is: don't fucking complain about things! nobody wants to heard your whining already.
So why am I typing this? Well, I'm just talking to myself right? You can choose to read it or not.
-_-"
The results were release recently, and pee-ew doesn't it stink bad. A whole bunch of Bs and Cs, and the total cumulative point score suck balls, clocking only 60%. Guess I'm not the marketing genius I thought I was. At least I'm not good with the theory. I do still believe I have some raw untapped talent there. But it was a competitive course, and I was pushed down to a C as a result.
This sucks!
But why would you care? Why would anyone care?
I read this in a horoscope once (god, I can't believe I'm reduced to quoting horoscopes), I can't remember the exact words, but the gist of the meaning is: don't keep complaining to others, they don't usually care. While the accuracy of the horoscope for that day was totally unimportant to me, the sentence stuck in my head for quite long.
It makes sense right? Humans are a narcissistic species, and most people only care about themselves or what benefits them most. Nobody gives a fucking damn (excuse the language) about what the fuck you are feeling, as long as they go on and continue to lead they happy jolly little lives. It's every man for himself. It's sounds tough, but that's the sad truth of the world. It's survival of the fittest, and that's all it is. It may be packaged in a nice way, converted up and sweetened into various flavours and different packages. But when it's all torn out, and stripped bare, that's what you get. It's as simple as that, and I can't believe I forgot that.
Now I remember.
And don't even start asking me about the so called "selfless" and caring people. The social workers and volunteers, the people who actively donate to the needy, the very religious people. Like I said, it's all for selfish reasons. These people are just Self-righteous. They either do what they do because there is some benefits for them in the end, or because it "makes them feel good". The second of which is a rather common explanation. How is this selfish? Well, the action is indeed "selfless" and all, but the reasons and motivation behind it all is a selfish one, they do it for their sake rather than for the person in need, otherwise you can safely conclude they are not doing it willingly. Hence, either way they are just as selfish.
It's the selfish and narcissistic nature of humans.
But it's not necessarily wrong... It's only natural. But it is the sad truth, and I'm rather upset to learn (or rather re-learn) that humanity is this way.
Upsetting, sure. But nonetheless, it's a necessary truth to know. Not exactly the perfect motto to live by, but simply to acknowledge as a fact and thus act accordingly. Or engineer your actions such that they all benefit you, either short or long term. Basically, don't be a "selfless" moron.
But more useful is: don't fucking complain about things! nobody wants to heard your whining already.
So why am I typing this? Well, I'm just talking to myself right? You can choose to read it or not.
-_-"
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Music Video
This post is just a music video. More of such posts may occur in future. Though don't just dismiss them. I only posts music videos for a reason.... It usually has meaningful lyrics.
The Fray - You Found Me
I found God on the corner of 1st and Amistad
Where the West was all but won
All alone, smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where you been?" He said, "Ask anything"
Where were you when everything was falling apart?
All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang
And all I needed was a call that never came
To the corner of 1st and Amistad
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me
But in the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who's ever known
Who I am, who I'm not and who I wanna be
No way to know how long she will be next to me
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me!
The early morning, the city breaks
And I've been calling for years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve taking all I want!
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, where were you? Where were you?
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me!
Why'd you have to wait to find me, to find me?
Lyrics:
The Fray - You Found Me
I found God on the corner of 1st and Amistad
Where the West was all but won
All alone, smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where you been?" He said, "Ask anything"
Where were you when everything was falling apart?
All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang
And all I needed was a call that never came
To the corner of 1st and Amistad
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me
But in the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who's ever known
Who I am, who I'm not and who I wanna be
No way to know how long she will be next to me
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me!
The early morning, the city breaks
And I've been calling for years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve taking all I want!
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, where were you? Where were you?
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me!
Why'd you have to wait to find me, to find me?
Lack of Updates
I know I haven't been updating the blog lately.
I just got busy doing other stuff recently. The driving lessons for one are taking up quite abit of my time. Gaming takes up most of the rest. :P
And so the results have been released today (or rather yesterday), and it was not up to expectations. Trust me I have lots to say about this topic, and will probably bore you the next few days solely with this topic alone.
However, it's getting late and I need to sleep, and forget as much of the disappointment as I can. Rather upset this time. Hopefully other things don't disappoint me as well (you know what I'm talking about). One can't stand a double body blow and not go down.
Good Night!
I just got busy doing other stuff recently. The driving lessons for one are taking up quite abit of my time. Gaming takes up most of the rest. :P
And so the results have been released today (or rather yesterday), and it was not up to expectations. Trust me I have lots to say about this topic, and will probably bore you the next few days solely with this topic alone.
However, it's getting late and I need to sleep, and forget as much of the disappointment as I can. Rather upset this time. Hopefully other things don't disappoint me as well (you know what I'm talking about). One can't stand a double body blow and not go down.
Good Night!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Still holding on to the hope
I'm still holding on to hope, as usual. Because I am the type that never learns to give up. For better or for worse, I will do my very best to work towards it.
I just felt I had to say that. Maybe to remind myself in case I lost my way. Maybe I need to remember my motivation...
Anyway, so I went over to my friend's house today. We chatted for abit, had lunch and then we pretty much gamed the whole day. Not much else happened. Lunch was cooked by his mom or sis, not sure. Honestly not too nice, but of course I was polite enough not to comment about it. It was surprisingly boring as we only had gaming the whole day. But was still ok nonetheless, meet up with my buddy of 10+ years, what more can I ask for?
On the more gloomy (or hopeful) side of news, my exam results will be out in 2 days! That's crazy fast. I'm so totally nervous. Will it be good? Will it be bad? Will it be up to expectations? Will I be emo for the rest of the holidays? All will be revealed upon Results Day! 21st December. Doomsday. x.x
Results Days.... Christmas... Argh. So Spoils the holiday mood.
Meanwhile, more of The Fray!
Been listening to their music alot lately. Love the songs, lyrics and the unique voice. That's one talented band. Awesome songs!
I just felt I had to say that. Maybe to remind myself in case I lost my way. Maybe I need to remember my motivation...
Anyway, so I went over to my friend's house today. We chatted for abit, had lunch and then we pretty much gamed the whole day. Not much else happened. Lunch was cooked by his mom or sis, not sure. Honestly not too nice, but of course I was polite enough not to comment about it. It was surprisingly boring as we only had gaming the whole day. But was still ok nonetheless, meet up with my buddy of 10+ years, what more can I ask for?
On the more gloomy (or hopeful) side of news, my exam results will be out in 2 days! That's crazy fast. I'm so totally nervous. Will it be good? Will it be bad? Will it be up to expectations? Will I be emo for the rest of the holidays? All will be revealed upon Results Day! 21st December. Doomsday. x.x
Results Days.... Christmas... Argh. So Spoils the holiday mood.
Meanwhile, more of The Fray!
Been listening to their music alot lately. Love the songs, lyrics and the unique voice. That's one talented band. Awesome songs!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Back in the zone
Whatever zone that may be. Loneliness zone?
Tezuka Zone!
LOLOL!
I'm in a slightly more jovial mood today. At least people are responding to my tweets and Facebook messages lately. don't feel so alone anymore. In fact, I'm going out to meet another friend tomorrow! Haha, that sounds so sad. Goes to show how few friends I have.
But that's not necessarily a bad thing. It means that the selected few friends I have are the very best. Because we share eachothers' interests. As a friend of mine put it, the quiet people have sort of a "sensor", and tend to gravitate to one another. And, it is in my personal opinion that the quiet people are usually the hidden gems, the untapped talent pool if you will. And it takes someone like me, the hybrid semi-quiet, semi-social reformist to really get access to them. Because I have fewer friends, it also means I cherish them a whole lot more, than say someone with 1000+ friends on Facebook. I wonder how many they actually know well.
Oh well, not really criticising them. Just sayin.
Ok gotta go. My friend is calling me to go play a computer game with him. After that, gonna sleep "early" too.
Another dedicated video:
BYE!
Tezuka Zone!
LOLOL!
I'm in a slightly more jovial mood today. At least people are responding to my tweets and Facebook messages lately. don't feel so alone anymore. In fact, I'm going out to meet another friend tomorrow! Haha, that sounds so sad. Goes to show how few friends I have.
But that's not necessarily a bad thing. It means that the selected few friends I have are the very best. Because we share eachothers' interests. As a friend of mine put it, the quiet people have sort of a "sensor", and tend to gravitate to one another. And, it is in my personal opinion that the quiet people are usually the hidden gems, the untapped talent pool if you will. And it takes someone like me, the hybrid semi-quiet, semi-social reformist to really get access to them. Because I have fewer friends, it also means I cherish them a whole lot more, than say someone with 1000+ friends on Facebook. I wonder how many they actually know well.
Oh well, not really criticising them. Just sayin.
Ok gotta go. My friend is calling me to go play a computer game with him. After that, gonna sleep "early" too.
Another dedicated video:
BYE!
Friday, December 17, 2010
Total Eye Opener
Like seriously. I just realised how long I have been not going out. Pretty much all my life it seems. Being a hermit. Just heading to town to watch a movie, and then walking around afterwards to kind of let the impact of it all seep in. I feel like a total country bumpkin. So embarrassing.
Nice movie though, Harry Potter. Not a super big fan of Harry Potter, only liked the first movie as the story line after that kind of sucked. But overall, this movie was alright. After all, it is the finale right? I do hate the over-using of dark themes and colours and all, but that's all to tie in with the story line, which I don't really like how it went too. Still, I did enjoy the movie. Too bad it cut off half way as it was only "Part 1".
After that, I went to walk around and have a look around the area. It only made me a little sad, and slightly envious of all the young people I see. Not that I'm particularly old or anything, but god-dammit I missed out on so much in my teen years! All the things I could have done or be a part of, but didn't. All the places I could have gone to but didn't. All the potential fun and happiness. All missed out.
As a consolation, I do believe that I was alot more "successful" academically than most of those people I saw. Though it is hard to judge them by looks. Not that it matters. I just wish I could make up for all the missed opportunities though. I wish I could hook up with some super popular sociable person and just get to be part of all the social activities, and just go out! But I feel it's gonna take alot more than just some 'cheat code' to do it.
Now I'm starting to seem pathetic. Don't look down on me! :(
I did lead a happy and carefree life and achieve moderate success so far, and developed one heck of a crazy mind. Childhood life was fun, teen years not so much. Traumatised for the most part. I need therapy. I need a social life. I need something more...
XD
Nice movie though, Harry Potter. Not a super big fan of Harry Potter, only liked the first movie as the story line after that kind of sucked. But overall, this movie was alright. After all, it is the finale right? I do hate the over-using of dark themes and colours and all, but that's all to tie in with the story line, which I don't really like how it went too. Still, I did enjoy the movie. Too bad it cut off half way as it was only "Part 1".
After that, I went to walk around and have a look around the area. It only made me a little sad, and slightly envious of all the young people I see. Not that I'm particularly old or anything, but god-dammit I missed out on so much in my teen years! All the things I could have done or be a part of, but didn't. All the places I could have gone to but didn't. All the potential fun and happiness. All missed out.
As a consolation, I do believe that I was alot more "successful" academically than most of those people I saw. Though it is hard to judge them by looks. Not that it matters. I just wish I could make up for all the missed opportunities though. I wish I could hook up with some super popular sociable person and just get to be part of all the social activities, and just go out! But I feel it's gonna take alot more than just some 'cheat code' to do it.
Now I'm starting to seem pathetic. Don't look down on me! :(
I did lead a happy and carefree life and achieve moderate success so far, and developed one heck of a crazy mind. Childhood life was fun, teen years not so much. Traumatised for the most part. I need therapy. I need a social life. I need something more...
XD
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
How to Break the Silence?
Really. It's a question not an explanation. How do I break the silence?
I confess, the silence and being ignored is seriously killing me inside. And being lonely is slowly starting to drive me insane. How do I get people to talk to me? I've already tried to start a conversation several times. Well "conversation" is misleading, I actually mean tweet. But that's besides the point....
I'm bored.
I know my recent posts are not full length and all. But I really ran out of stuff to post about. Until something eventful happens in my life, I seriously got nothing. I blog for the sake of it, coz I'm bored. :(
Actually, I got a song that (kind of) accurately sums it up:
A cover of Heartless by The Fray, which way surpasses the original version by Kanye West. You know, before the whole Taylor Swift incident. Now he's lost all respects as an artiste though. lol.
More importantly, The Fray is quickly becoming one of my favorite bands to listen to. After recently listening to their 2 albums, I really like their style of music and the lyrics. Awesome talent. Hopefully they'll release new stuff soon. Frankly, I'm quite sick of all the auto-tuned trash that's still floating around lately. People actually buy that shit? Why?! o.o
Oh well, bored out of my life here. Maybe I'll try to catch a movie tomorrow if all goes well. We'll see.
I confess, the silence and being ignored is seriously killing me inside. And being lonely is slowly starting to drive me insane. How do I get people to talk to me? I've already tried to start a conversation several times. Well "conversation" is misleading, I actually mean tweet. But that's besides the point....
I'm bored.
I know my recent posts are not full length and all. But I really ran out of stuff to post about. Until something eventful happens in my life, I seriously got nothing. I blog for the sake of it, coz I'm bored. :(
Actually, I got a song that (kind of) accurately sums it up:
A cover of Heartless by The Fray, which way surpasses the original version by Kanye West. You know, before the whole Taylor Swift incident. Now he's lost all respects as an artiste though. lol.
More importantly, The Fray is quickly becoming one of my favorite bands to listen to. After recently listening to their 2 albums, I really like their style of music and the lyrics. Awesome talent. Hopefully they'll release new stuff soon. Frankly, I'm quite sick of all the auto-tuned trash that's still floating around lately. People actually buy that shit? Why?! o.o
Oh well, bored out of my life here. Maybe I'll try to catch a movie tomorrow if all goes well. We'll see.
In the end
I know I've been in slightly better mood recently after looking up some old friends. But I'm thinking that while all that is good and nice to have, I actually only have those few friends left. When all is said and done, I realise I'm still alone in the University. I really hope to be able to make more friends there, but have yet to find that 1 person who's the perfect choice. Or maybe the right approach is not to go for 1, but to try to get as many friends as I can. Yeah right, if it were so easy I wouldn't be having this problem in the first place.
Actually, I should probably stop worrying about all this as lessons have not resumed yet. I should just relax and enjoy the remainder of the holidays. Maybe it's just the rain, and the gloomy looking skies that is making me emo. Maybe it's my friend who has been totally ignoring me recently. I don't know. I just wish things were different, this situation sux.
Christmas is coming... Maybe things will change? Maybe there will be a surprise for me?
Wishful thinking? ):
Actually, I should probably stop worrying about all this as lessons have not resumed yet. I should just relax and enjoy the remainder of the holidays. Maybe it's just the rain, and the gloomy looking skies that is making me emo. Maybe it's my friend who has been totally ignoring me recently. I don't know. I just wish things were different, this situation sux.
Christmas is coming... Maybe things will change? Maybe there will be a surprise for me?
Wishful thinking? ):
I forgot how it felt
I forgot how good it feels to have a couple of good friends just to chat with for hours and hours. These few days, I've been looking up a couple of my old best friends to just talk. It's so nice to have people to chat with, and to listen to you, bounce ideas off and get constructive responses from.It's truly a spectacular feeling. To have people who understand you.
My Skype call is clocking 6 hours as I type this. So I don't really have alot to blog about, or time to type more. Meanwhile, enjoy this song that has been stuck in my head the entire day.
How to save a life!
Bye!
My Skype call is clocking 6 hours as I type this. So I don't really have alot to blog about, or time to type more. Meanwhile, enjoy this song that has been stuck in my head the entire day.
How to save a life!
Bye!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Busy
No time to blog today...
The past few days of putting life into perspective, also means that I need to plan out my daily activities for at least until my holidays end. And that's exactly what I'm doing now. Setting aside some time to write up a daily planner for myself as I did during the exam period. Bless the almighty powerful Microsoft Excel. Without thee, many souls would be much more disorganised!
Anyway, gotta go back to planning.
Video for the road.
Bye!
The past few days of putting life into perspective, also means that I need to plan out my daily activities for at least until my holidays end. And that's exactly what I'm doing now. Setting aside some time to write up a daily planner for myself as I did during the exam period. Bless the almighty powerful Microsoft Excel. Without thee, many souls would be much more disorganised!
Anyway, gotta go back to planning.
Video for the road.
Bye!
Monday, December 13, 2010
Random
What does it mean when someone ignores you?
ps: updated the music player a little bit. cleared up some of the lousier songs and added 1 or 2 new ones. alot of the vevo and official music videos still have problem loading though.
ps: updated the music player a little bit. cleared up some of the lousier songs and added 1 or 2 new ones. alot of the vevo and official music videos still have problem loading though.
Re: Blog Stats, Java, and Life
I know, I know. Those 3 topics in the title are probably seem so random and totally unrelated, but it's what I wanna talk about today, and when I'm done you'll see that it's all does actually link to life.
Almost all. The first is regarding why I've sort of become more brazen and more daring with they type of posts I've been doing lately. It's partly my step towards starting to change and be more courageous, but it's mainly due to the fact that I am more or less convinced that no one I know is actually going to be reading what I post. From the stats blogger is giving me, the page views I've been getting are from Denmark, Malaysia, Russia, Spain, South Korean and the US. Of course majority does come from my home country, but I'm not sure how many of those are my own page views. Though if you do know me, well you now guard my secrets. Actually, I'm not too afraid to share my feelings here. I mean every single thing I mentioned here are all truthful thoughts and feelings. If you were wondering, there is no engineered or faked persona I am trying to create here. It's all 100% raw Me. So there you have it, like it or not, it's up to you to decided if you wanna come back to read more. But it would be nice to have some subscribers you know.
Anyway moving on. Today I went to meet up with one of best friends that I haven't met in a really long time. He's a really strange fella whom I've always had problems contacting, but more on that later. So we spend a couple of hours with him going through the basics of Java with me, and me being a complete noob having forgotten most of what I learnt previously. As it turns out, Java is really not too different from C++. I mean, I heard that they were similar, but never imagined it to be so alike. The Object-Oriented part is so similar yet slightly different. Having not thought of programming in terms of Objects for so long, it took me rather long to catch all the OO stuff and relearn most of the terminologies. Overall, I refreshed alot of knowledge though, and kind of got most of what he told me. Though I'm sure I'll still need to do alot more of the learning myself. I wanna try to be confident in the language before the semester begins.
The last portion is really and extension of yesterday's and maybe some other day's posts. It's more on the stuff I reflected on today about life. I think it is easier to start with a short introduction of my friend's quirkiness. He has a certain phobia of answering the phone, and rarely ever replies SMS, and can only check his email once a week. So, it took me 2 weeks to finally get a hold of him. It has been this way in the past as well. But that's not to say that he is not a good friend. When we finally meet, our minds just click in a way 2 individuals don't usually do. We can totally sit there and chat for hours and hours and hours, which is what we did. So after the Java lesson and both our laptop batteries had died, we simply sat in McDonald's and chatted for a solid 3 to 4 hours. We talked about various topics ranging far and wide, including business ideas and our future career plans, but also about our lives in general. Which is what I wanna blog about today.
Because we jump from topic to topic when we talk (though covering each one in depth), we randomly landed on the discussion on our lives, both in the past and what we wanna do. Since all of you don't know him, he is very much an outcast like me, in fact his situation is much worse than mine. In his words, whatever it is that majority of the people do, he just doesn't do it. Talk about eccentric! But we are similar in the sense that we are generally very quite most of the time elsewhere, but when we meet we can really talk to each other. So I found that interesting and as an outcast to another, but with my new different perspectives, I asked him if he was happy staying like that. He said that he was actually fine with it, as it has not really caused him much harm so far. He is aiming to "level up" as an Otaku (google it), and he has been watching much anime recently. And then I asked if he could imagine himself being old and still being an Otaku. His reply was that he would be the one producing it then.
I mean that's fine and all. And I respect his decision. It's just that, that path which he has chosen is actually perfect for a bachelor for life type. That was one of the major concerns in my mind. For me, I consider myself a reformed Otaku in the sense that I am no longer obsessed with those things, and I am taking active steps to change my lifestyle. It's just a decision I made to change after becoming more aware about things and totally changing my perspectives. Maturity of thought so to speak. But I'm not saying his decision is wrong. When deciding one's path in life, there is often no single right or wrong answer or path, and different people will have drastically different paths, and thus inherently prefer different types of happiness. For me, I made of choice to strive for a more holistic approach to happiness, as opposed to a more linear sense of achievement. I just felt that it was something I right thing to do for me.
Besides, I like the change. I feel more positive about it than anything I've felt in awhile. But it does take quite a deal of effort for me not to repeat past habits, which I am desperately trying to avoid.
That pretty much wraps up today's topics. I may have trivialised alot of our discussion and my description of my friend, but really it would take me an entire day to describe our friendship, and an even longer time to type out our entire conversation. We pretty much spent the whole of Secondary School as classmates and best buddies, and just talking and meeting him today gave me a small but effective shot of motivation.
On a side note, I watched part of a locally produced tele-movie on TV today. It's called "Love in a Cab". I can tell that it's an extremely low budget film from the quality of the movie, but the plot and storyline is really quite fantastic. I'm not one who usually enjoys watching romance dramas, but this one appealed somewhat to me. Check it out if you have the time.
Gotta run!
Almost all. The first is regarding why I've sort of become more brazen and more daring with they type of posts I've been doing lately. It's partly my step towards starting to change and be more courageous, but it's mainly due to the fact that I am more or less convinced that no one I know is actually going to be reading what I post. From the stats blogger is giving me, the page views I've been getting are from Denmark, Malaysia, Russia, Spain, South Korean and the US. Of course majority does come from my home country, but I'm not sure how many of those are my own page views. Though if you do know me, well you now guard my secrets. Actually, I'm not too afraid to share my feelings here. I mean every single thing I mentioned here are all truthful thoughts and feelings. If you were wondering, there is no engineered or faked persona I am trying to create here. It's all 100% raw Me. So there you have it, like it or not, it's up to you to decided if you wanna come back to read more. But it would be nice to have some subscribers you know.
Anyway moving on. Today I went to meet up with one of best friends that I haven't met in a really long time. He's a really strange fella whom I've always had problems contacting, but more on that later. So we spend a couple of hours with him going through the basics of Java with me, and me being a complete noob having forgotten most of what I learnt previously. As it turns out, Java is really not too different from C++. I mean, I heard that they were similar, but never imagined it to be so alike. The Object-Oriented part is so similar yet slightly different. Having not thought of programming in terms of Objects for so long, it took me rather long to catch all the OO stuff and relearn most of the terminologies. Overall, I refreshed alot of knowledge though, and kind of got most of what he told me. Though I'm sure I'll still need to do alot more of the learning myself. I wanna try to be confident in the language before the semester begins.
The last portion is really and extension of yesterday's and maybe some other day's posts. It's more on the stuff I reflected on today about life. I think it is easier to start with a short introduction of my friend's quirkiness. He has a certain phobia of answering the phone, and rarely ever replies SMS, and can only check his email once a week. So, it took me 2 weeks to finally get a hold of him. It has been this way in the past as well. But that's not to say that he is not a good friend. When we finally meet, our minds just click in a way 2 individuals don't usually do. We can totally sit there and chat for hours and hours and hours, which is what we did. So after the Java lesson and both our laptop batteries had died, we simply sat in McDonald's and chatted for a solid 3 to 4 hours. We talked about various topics ranging far and wide, including business ideas and our future career plans, but also about our lives in general. Which is what I wanna blog about today.
Because we jump from topic to topic when we talk (though covering each one in depth), we randomly landed on the discussion on our lives, both in the past and what we wanna do. Since all of you don't know him, he is very much an outcast like me, in fact his situation is much worse than mine. In his words, whatever it is that majority of the people do, he just doesn't do it. Talk about eccentric! But we are similar in the sense that we are generally very quite most of the time elsewhere, but when we meet we can really talk to each other. So I found that interesting and as an outcast to another, but with my new different perspectives, I asked him if he was happy staying like that. He said that he was actually fine with it, as it has not really caused him much harm so far. He is aiming to "level up" as an Otaku (google it), and he has been watching much anime recently. And then I asked if he could imagine himself being old and still being an Otaku. His reply was that he would be the one producing it then.
I mean that's fine and all. And I respect his decision. It's just that, that path which he has chosen is actually perfect for a bachelor for life type. That was one of the major concerns in my mind. For me, I consider myself a reformed Otaku in the sense that I am no longer obsessed with those things, and I am taking active steps to change my lifestyle. It's just a decision I made to change after becoming more aware about things and totally changing my perspectives. Maturity of thought so to speak. But I'm not saying his decision is wrong. When deciding one's path in life, there is often no single right or wrong answer or path, and different people will have drastically different paths, and thus inherently prefer different types of happiness. For me, I made of choice to strive for a more holistic approach to happiness, as opposed to a more linear sense of achievement. I just felt that it was something I right thing to do for me.
Besides, I like the change. I feel more positive about it than anything I've felt in awhile. But it does take quite a deal of effort for me not to repeat past habits, which I am desperately trying to avoid.
That pretty much wraps up today's topics. I may have trivialised alot of our discussion and my description of my friend, but really it would take me an entire day to describe our friendship, and an even longer time to type out our entire conversation. We pretty much spent the whole of Secondary School as classmates and best buddies, and just talking and meeting him today gave me a small but effective shot of motivation.
On a side note, I watched part of a locally produced tele-movie on TV today. It's called "Love in a Cab". I can tell that it's an extremely low budget film from the quality of the movie, but the plot and storyline is really quite fantastic. I'm not one who usually enjoys watching romance dramas, but this one appealed somewhat to me. Check it out if you have the time.
Gotta run!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Along came a girl...
Heh, I wish.
Nice provocative title to catch your attention eh? Today's topic is gonna be an interesting one. Brace yourself for the ride!
Well, the title is not entirely false. Ever since I've started my university life and getting to mix around with girls (which I apparently have not done in a long time), I can slowly see myself changing. In most ways for the better, and maybe in some ways not as desirable. On a whole though, I find the change to be overall a positive one, and it had been a long time coming. Yep, that kinda makes my life sound rather sad. But unfortunately, it's true.
I'm seriously risking exposing my identity here, but I think I shall give a brief history about myself now. Let's say my interactions with girls have been minimal to non-existent throughout my entire life. Yep you heard right, ENTIRE LIFE. It's gonna be a long story, but you'll have to bear with me because I got more than an hour to spare while waiting for my download to complete. =P
I guess my life can be classified into several phases. The first of which is the infant to small child phase. From 0 years old to about 5 years old? Well, at this point in life, I don't really recall much from this period. I mean I was really young and more or less behaved like any other kid? The only defining difference is that I spent 2 years of my early childhood in England because my Dad was finishing his degree there. Now that I think about it, that could have had some impact. Because of the fact that I was a foreigner there, I had lesser friends as not all of the British kids would mix around with me. I don't remember too much about it to give full details though, but I was one naughty and rebellious kid back then. I think I had 2 to 3 close friends. I remember 1 was Italian and 1 was Arabic. And me the Asian kid. I guess we outcasts hang together huh? Wow, now that I recall, perhaps I had been out casted since I was a small kid!
Next phase of life was when I returned back home to begin Primary School education. For those who don't know what this means, it's from around 7 years old to about 12 years old. Although my primary school education is broken into 2 phases as well. The first was during the first 3 years. I was enrolled into a relatively more prestigious (only slightly) boys school. I had a ton of fun! mixed around, made a couple of friends, "foes" and totally enjoyed almost every moment there. Though at this point it's still near 0 interactions with girls. Still, I really enjoyed it... It's a pity it wasn't meant to last as in my third year, my dad's company was shifting their offices to another area and it would be really inconvenient for him to travel the long distance everyday, so we had to move house. Now, what that also means is that it would be really inconvenient for me to travel to school everyday as well. Which simply means I had to transfer school as well. :(
"Thankfully", there was a new Primary school so conveniently built right beside my new house. Meaning I could walk to school within 5 minutes everyday. However, being in a neighbourhood school is a way different experience, and this was a coed (mixed) school. So I would have to learn to interact with girls... or not. I mainly still only mixed around with the boys either as a matter of habit or because still being a child meant I didn't like girls yet. At the same time, I remembered that I was really angry with my parents for making me lose all my old friends (there was no Facebook back then!), so I continued with my mischievous and rebellious behaviour. Oh, and the year I transferred in was also the Streaming year, which meant I would be changing classes again the following year after the exams. There goes my newly made friend again. Cool thing was I got to go to the best class, not so cool was the fact that almost nobody bothered to talk to me there, and I hated my teachers too. So I proceeded to drop to the second class the following year. This turned out to be much more decent as I made a few friend there. Was the best time I had in that lousy school, pity it was only in the last year. Surprisingly, because the seats were forced-assigned to us, I was seated beside a girl.
This girl was really sweet and kinda cute, she actually started talking to me first, and was really nice. We even shared stationaries at times. A completely new experience for me. I still remember that time when I topped my class for the Science exam, and she came in second. That felt like it really meant something for the both of us. I think I really liked her, but being the stubborn kid I was, I of course totally denied everything. Too late for regrets anyway. After our final year, we split up and went to different schools. She went to a girl's school and I went off to a boy's school. And we lost contact never to see each other again. :'(
After my second year Streaming exam, I dropped to the third class due to my poor results in math. I believe that at this stage I totally had no motivation to study. It seemed like a straight journey downhill. Between my second to third year was when I started to really like girls. That was also when I started to miss that "girlfriend" I had in Primary School. I would continue to think about her every once in awhile, and somehow that motivated me strangely. I fantasised about the both of us doing really well again, and ending up in the same school again. Looking back, it was certainly a little crazy and all, but you need to factor in the fact of my raging teen hormones back then. What's more surprising was that it somehow worked! I topped my class multiple times in English and Science throughout my third and fourth year, and in the final exams I exceeded both mine and my parents' expectations. It wasn't fantastic, but good enough to proceed on to the next phase of education.
A thing to note here is the fact of 0% girl interactions in Secondary School. In my teen years no less! I do believe that would have had some profound impact.
So the next phase of life is Junior College education. This is from 17 years old to 18 years, a short 2 years. Now, after my terrible experience in Secondary School, I sought to once again find my happiness in a mixed school and hopefully find a girl who would talk to me (teenagers and raging hormones). Junior College education is alot different from the previous schools in that we get to choose which subjects we would like to study, with certain subjects being compulsory of course. I didn't mention my interest in computers in this post because that could fill an entire post itself, but due to my interest and strengths, I decided to go for the combination with Computing and Physics. I hadn't realised, but it seem that there was little surprise that there would be very little girls taking this combination, and hence very few girls in my class. When I say 'few', that is an overstatement. To be exact, there were 2 girls in my class, and only 1 took Computing, and she had a boyfriend already. Hence, I pretty much spent those 2 years also with very few interactions with girls. Pretty much the same quiet and reclusive person I have been for quite a long time.
That leads me to my current phase in life.
What was the point of saying all that? What was the point of typing out my entire life story? Well, I guess I just wanted to reflect more on my life in hindsight and see what mistakes I may have made, or what caused me to become what I am today.
But I plan to change all of that! In recent years, I have matured much in my thoughts and ways of thinking. And I feel that it is in my best interests to change my personality and to socialise more. It is no easy feat mind you. And it is going to take a lot of time before I get it right. But if I don't start, I'll never do it. Even if it means taking little baby steps at a time, I am still wiling to give it a try, but I need to be granted some time to make little adjustments. And indeed I have. I went for the orientation, and talked to the people in my group and made friends with them. Still didn't really mix around with the people in my classes, but I'm still learning.
Then along came a girl...
We met through doing projects together, and after frequent chats online and through sms, I find that I really get along well with her. I feel as though there is something between us, though I'm not sure if it could work out. But I certainly want it to. Could this be the same experience from Primary School repeating again? Could it motivate me as it had in Secondary School? Will I ever stop being a coward and start speaking up? Only time will tell. I will certainly put in the best of my efforts, so cheer me on! =)
Whoa! super long story. And my download ended long ago! I had better sleep soon. It's 3 AM, and I'm meeting my friend for a jump start lesson in Java Programming tomorrow. One last song for the night then.
BYE!!
Nice provocative title to catch your attention eh? Today's topic is gonna be an interesting one. Brace yourself for the ride!
Well, the title is not entirely false. Ever since I've started my university life and getting to mix around with girls (which I apparently have not done in a long time), I can slowly see myself changing. In most ways for the better, and maybe in some ways not as desirable. On a whole though, I find the change to be overall a positive one, and it had been a long time coming. Yep, that kinda makes my life sound rather sad. But unfortunately, it's true.
I'm seriously risking exposing my identity here, but I think I shall give a brief history about myself now. Let's say my interactions with girls have been minimal to non-existent throughout my entire life. Yep you heard right, ENTIRE LIFE. It's gonna be a long story, but you'll have to bear with me because I got more than an hour to spare while waiting for my download to complete. =P
I guess my life can be classified into several phases. The first of which is the infant to small child phase. From 0 years old to about 5 years old? Well, at this point in life, I don't really recall much from this period. I mean I was really young and more or less behaved like any other kid? The only defining difference is that I spent 2 years of my early childhood in England because my Dad was finishing his degree there. Now that I think about it, that could have had some impact. Because of the fact that I was a foreigner there, I had lesser friends as not all of the British kids would mix around with me. I don't remember too much about it to give full details though, but I was one naughty and rebellious kid back then. I think I had 2 to 3 close friends. I remember 1 was Italian and 1 was Arabic. And me the Asian kid. I guess we outcasts hang together huh? Wow, now that I recall, perhaps I had been out casted since I was a small kid!
Next phase of life was when I returned back home to begin Primary School education. For those who don't know what this means, it's from around 7 years old to about 12 years old. Although my primary school education is broken into 2 phases as well. The first was during the first 3 years. I was enrolled into a relatively more prestigious (only slightly) boys school. I had a ton of fun! mixed around, made a couple of friends, "foes" and totally enjoyed almost every moment there. Though at this point it's still near 0 interactions with girls. Still, I really enjoyed it... It's a pity it wasn't meant to last as in my third year, my dad's company was shifting their offices to another area and it would be really inconvenient for him to travel the long distance everyday, so we had to move house. Now, what that also means is that it would be really inconvenient for me to travel to school everyday as well. Which simply means I had to transfer school as well. :(
"Thankfully", there was a new Primary school so conveniently built right beside my new house. Meaning I could walk to school within 5 minutes everyday. However, being in a neighbourhood school is a way different experience, and this was a coed (mixed) school. So I would have to learn to interact with girls... or not. I mainly still only mixed around with the boys either as a matter of habit or because still being a child meant I didn't like girls yet. At the same time, I remembered that I was really angry with my parents for making me lose all my old friends (there was no Facebook back then!), so I continued with my mischievous and rebellious behaviour. Oh, and the year I transferred in was also the Streaming year, which meant I would be changing classes again the following year after the exams. There goes my newly made friend again. Cool thing was I got to go to the best class, not so cool was the fact that almost nobody bothered to talk to me there, and I hated my teachers too. So I proceeded to drop to the second class the following year. This turned out to be much more decent as I made a few friend there. Was the best time I had in that lousy school, pity it was only in the last year. Surprisingly, because the seats were forced-assigned to us, I was seated beside a girl.
This girl was really sweet and kinda cute, she actually started talking to me first, and was really nice. We even shared stationaries at times. A completely new experience for me. I still remember that time when I topped my class for the Science exam, and she came in second. That felt like it really meant something for the both of us. I think I really liked her, but being the stubborn kid I was, I of course totally denied everything. Too late for regrets anyway. After our final year, we split up and went to different schools. She went to a girl's school and I went off to a boy's school. And we lost contact never to see each other again. :'(
After my second year Streaming exam, I dropped to the third class due to my poor results in math. I believe that at this stage I totally had no motivation to study. It seemed like a straight journey downhill. Between my second to third year was when I started to really like girls. That was also when I started to miss that "girlfriend" I had in Primary School. I would continue to think about her every once in awhile, and somehow that motivated me strangely. I fantasised about the both of us doing really well again, and ending up in the same school again. Looking back, it was certainly a little crazy and all, but you need to factor in the fact of my raging teen hormones back then. What's more surprising was that it somehow worked! I topped my class multiple times in English and Science throughout my third and fourth year, and in the final exams I exceeded both mine and my parents' expectations. It wasn't fantastic, but good enough to proceed on to the next phase of education.
A thing to note here is the fact of 0% girl interactions in Secondary School. In my teen years no less! I do believe that would have had some profound impact.
So the next phase of life is Junior College education. This is from 17 years old to 18 years, a short 2 years. Now, after my terrible experience in Secondary School, I sought to once again find my happiness in a mixed school and hopefully find a girl who would talk to me (teenagers and raging hormones). Junior College education is alot different from the previous schools in that we get to choose which subjects we would like to study, with certain subjects being compulsory of course. I didn't mention my interest in computers in this post because that could fill an entire post itself, but due to my interest and strengths, I decided to go for the combination with Computing and Physics. I hadn't realised, but it seem that there was little surprise that there would be very little girls taking this combination, and hence very few girls in my class. When I say 'few', that is an overstatement. To be exact, there were 2 girls in my class, and only 1 took Computing, and she had a boyfriend already. Hence, I pretty much spent those 2 years also with very few interactions with girls. Pretty much the same quiet and reclusive person I have been for quite a long time.
That leads me to my current phase in life.
What was the point of saying all that? What was the point of typing out my entire life story? Well, I guess I just wanted to reflect more on my life in hindsight and see what mistakes I may have made, or what caused me to become what I am today.
But I plan to change all of that! In recent years, I have matured much in my thoughts and ways of thinking. And I feel that it is in my best interests to change my personality and to socialise more. It is no easy feat mind you. And it is going to take a lot of time before I get it right. But if I don't start, I'll never do it. Even if it means taking little baby steps at a time, I am still wiling to give it a try, but I need to be granted some time to make little adjustments. And indeed I have. I went for the orientation, and talked to the people in my group and made friends with them. Still didn't really mix around with the people in my classes, but I'm still learning.
Then along came a girl...
We met through doing projects together, and after frequent chats online and through sms, I find that I really get along well with her. I feel as though there is something between us, though I'm not sure if it could work out. But I certainly want it to. Could this be the same experience from Primary School repeating again? Could it motivate me as it had in Secondary School? Will I ever stop being a coward and start speaking up? Only time will tell. I will certainly put in the best of my efforts, so cheer me on! =)
Whoa! super long story. And my download ended long ago! I had better sleep soon. It's 3 AM, and I'm meeting my friend for a jump start lesson in Java Programming tomorrow. One last song for the night then.
BYE!!
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Shocked, Surprised, and Concerned
Things are starting to get serious...
What's the first thing you think when someone who rarely uses vulgarities, suddenly says "Fuck You" (not necessarily to you). I just happened to stumble upon my friend's recent tweet. I shall not quote the full tweet in order to protect the person's identity, but I shall quote certain portions and paraphrase as much as I can. So, when I first saw the tweet, the two words just screamed out at me. It went something like this:
This is serious stuff. This person seems really upset about someone. From this phrase we can't really tell much yet. It could be for whatever reasons. But one thing is certain. This friend of mine is really mad at someone, and I sure wouldn't want to be that someone. x_x
So to try and infer the causes, I shall extract more phrases:
This is pretty much it. It was just a short few lines of text. It's a tweet after all. So what can be infer from this?
Clearly, it is on a subject that this person was relatively knowledgeable about. But apparently actually seeing and experiencing it is a whole different story.
There really isn't much details. But piecing these bits of information together, I infer that the subject this person is talking about is love. I simply inferred from the phrase "I can't say I hate you" to mean the opposite of hate, that is love. So, the final story will be that this person loves somebody, but this somebody did something really cruel or heartbreaking that caused my friend to become so upset.
You may wonder why I'm suddenly doing a dissection of somebody's tweet. Let me make it clear that I'm not trying to make fun of anybody, or to spy on other people's lives. It's just that when I saw this tweet, I became really concerned for my friend. I really wish I could do something to help. But that too will depend on whether the person wants my help. Don't want to be causing more harm than good. I just get really upset when I see the people around me unhappy. It's just my nature, although I don't other show it.
Hopefully my friend will eventually see this little blog post of mine and feel better. It's the least I could do. For everyone else, remember not too dwell on unhappy matters for too long. Cheer up and move along! :)
What's the first thing you think when someone who rarely uses vulgarities, suddenly says "Fuck You" (not necessarily to you). I just happened to stumble upon my friend's recent tweet. I shall not quote the full tweet in order to protect the person's identity, but I shall quote certain portions and paraphrase as much as I can. So, when I first saw the tweet, the two words just screamed out at me. It went something like this:
... ... ....
Fuck you. But I can't say I hate you.
This is serious stuff. This person seems really upset about someone. From this phrase we can't really tell much yet. It could be for whatever reasons. But one thing is certain. This friend of mine is really mad at someone, and I sure wouldn't want to be that someone. x_x
So to try and infer the causes, I shall extract more phrases:
I thought that knowing was enough, and everything will be fine.
But actually seeing it is a completely different thing.
This is pretty much it. It was just a short few lines of text. It's a tweet after all. So what can be infer from this?
Clearly, it is on a subject that this person was relatively knowledgeable about. But apparently actually seeing and experiencing it is a whole different story.
There really isn't much details. But piecing these bits of information together, I infer that the subject this person is talking about is love. I simply inferred from the phrase "I can't say I hate you" to mean the opposite of hate, that is love. So, the final story will be that this person loves somebody, but this somebody did something really cruel or heartbreaking that caused my friend to become so upset.
You may wonder why I'm suddenly doing a dissection of somebody's tweet. Let me make it clear that I'm not trying to make fun of anybody, or to spy on other people's lives. It's just that when I saw this tweet, I became really concerned for my friend. I really wish I could do something to help. But that too will depend on whether the person wants my help. Don't want to be causing more harm than good. I just get really upset when I see the people around me unhappy. It's just my nature, although I don't other show it.
Hopefully my friend will eventually see this little blog post of mine and feel better. It's the least I could do. For everyone else, remember not too dwell on unhappy matters for too long. Cheer up and move along! :)
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Putting Things into Perspective
So the past 2 days have not been too bright for me. A few messages or rather just lines of text I read here and there, made me rather upset because I thought it was referring to me. That might not be the case, though it could be possible because I know the person who wrote those words. And the person clearly wasn't in a very happy mood.
But now that I've sort of had a little time to reflect on things, I realise it doesn't really matter all that much. Well, not exactly. If those words are indeed referring to me, then I should be concerned. But what I'm saying is that what I came up with totally invalidates whether it is about me or not. Because it doesn't really matter a whole lot, when I have made up my mind to change myself and improve for the better! You get where I'm going? It's the simple logic of whether I made mistakes or not, as long as I improve and transform myself to start anew, it would address the situation (if it is me), or else it would just make me a better person.
I really hate being in an emo mood, which is quite often these days. But the great thing that happens is that I usually come out from it stronger and more aware of things I hadn't previously put attention into. In all my emo self-closure, it also allows for some profound self-reflection and thinking.
Now that we are done with the first part, enjoy an old song by The Corrs. I actually never knew they existed, despite having heard some of their old songs before. Here is a great full orchestra performance by them.
I actually don't know what it was that put me into the emo state in the first place. I mean, I was originally on the path of training and transformation remember? "Mind.Body.Soul" was the slogan not too many posts ago. And then suddenly, barely a few posts later I became the sad sour puss that you had to endure. So sorry, I apologize. It seems that I'm alot more affected by my surroundings then I think. I'm not invincible you know? As much as I'd like to be, guess I'm not. I am very much a vulnerable human being like everyone else, and I have feelings too.
I guess this constitutes the "Soul" part of "Mind.Body.Soul" the Soul Factor was just missing to begin with. I though I could try different ways to fill the void, or to numb the feeling and forget about it. Guess I was dead wrong. It is neigh impossible for any human being to do so. That was when I finally found the missing piece of the puzzle. The need for a companion along this long treacherous journey to perfection. I simply don't think it is possible to make it through alone. It is way too tough, even for the most resourceful of people. Hence the quote "No man is an Island". So, I await eagerly for the start of lessons once again, so that I may try to have a companion to fill the void the is eating into my soul.
In other news, I've slipped quite badly. I let the lack of the soul factor affect me too badly that I couldn't even train the other factors "Mind" and "Body" too. Being emo has such negative consequences. This is also another weakness I've noticed about myself. I am a visionary, in the sense that I'm excellent at planning really far ahead into the future. I see something or some person, and I can already imagine what the perfect future will look like. But my weakness is that I lose sight of my goals easily, and in planning the distant future, I neglect to plan my current actions, or the immediate future if you will. I mean, it's one thing to paint a perfect picture of the future and all. But if we don't take actions and proactive steps to make it happen, will it likely be fulfilled?
Hence, I shall resume training immediately tomorrow, and probably also start a schedule for studying and revising my old work in preparation for the new semester.
And so, in closure there are a number of things I have learnt these couple of days, and this post is really to put things in perspective. Firstly, that every human being has feelings, and I'm not excluded from that, regardless of how tightly I tend to guard my emotions and not show any. And that the best solution is simply to get a friend, or more friends. Next, that perfection is a journey and not an outcome, and that it is just as important to plan for the present as it is to plan for the future. And finally, I should try to have alot more confidence in myself and not be so easily affected and become upset over small details and focus on the bigger goals in life. It's not that those things are insignificant or don't matter, but rather by simply improving ourselves in general, we can overcome past mistakes. From numerous past experiences, it seems that it is always better to look forward to the future rather than dwell too much on old memories.
Lastly, I would like to thank my blog readers, if any, for even reading a single word I typed. I know it's a whole load of crap at times, but you somehow bared with it. Having this imaginary platform for sharing feelings is really comforting. It sort of provides some painkillers to fill the void that is the empty Soul Factor. So Thanks!
I would like to end of with a little justification to my preference of J-Pop over K-Pop, which I'm sure many people are unhappy about. Here are 2 videos of a famous Japanese song that got ripped off by the Koreans (I mean cover). Just listen to both versions. I'm sure audiophiles and listeners with a good ear can easily discern which version is better.
Here's the Korean version by Park Hyo Shin:
Here is the original Japanese version done by Mika Nakashima:
Oh come on! It's not even close!
The original singer beats the lousy copycat by a mile! I mean she has such a beautiful voice, and honestly the lyrics sound so much better in Japanese, but that might be just because I'm biased. lol
Alright, finished typing this on my laptop at 3.30AM in the morning.
GOODNIGHT! =)
But now that I've sort of had a little time to reflect on things, I realise it doesn't really matter all that much. Well, not exactly. If those words are indeed referring to me, then I should be concerned. But what I'm saying is that what I came up with totally invalidates whether it is about me or not. Because it doesn't really matter a whole lot, when I have made up my mind to change myself and improve for the better! You get where I'm going? It's the simple logic of whether I made mistakes or not, as long as I improve and transform myself to start anew, it would address the situation (if it is me), or else it would just make me a better person.
I really hate being in an emo mood, which is quite often these days. But the great thing that happens is that I usually come out from it stronger and more aware of things I hadn't previously put attention into. In all my emo self-closure, it also allows for some profound self-reflection and thinking.
Now that we are done with the first part, enjoy an old song by The Corrs. I actually never knew they existed, despite having heard some of their old songs before. Here is a great full orchestra performance by them.
I actually don't know what it was that put me into the emo state in the first place. I mean, I was originally on the path of training and transformation remember? "Mind.Body.Soul" was the slogan not too many posts ago. And then suddenly, barely a few posts later I became the sad sour puss that you had to endure. So sorry, I apologize. It seems that I'm alot more affected by my surroundings then I think. I'm not invincible you know? As much as I'd like to be, guess I'm not. I am very much a vulnerable human being like everyone else, and I have feelings too.
I guess this constitutes the "Soul" part of "Mind.Body.Soul" the Soul Factor was just missing to begin with. I though I could try different ways to fill the void, or to numb the feeling and forget about it. Guess I was dead wrong. It is neigh impossible for any human being to do so. That was when I finally found the missing piece of the puzzle. The need for a companion along this long treacherous journey to perfection. I simply don't think it is possible to make it through alone. It is way too tough, even for the most resourceful of people. Hence the quote "No man is an Island". So, I await eagerly for the start of lessons once again, so that I may try to have a companion to fill the void the is eating into my soul.
In other news, I've slipped quite badly. I let the lack of the soul factor affect me too badly that I couldn't even train the other factors "Mind" and "Body" too. Being emo has such negative consequences. This is also another weakness I've noticed about myself. I am a visionary, in the sense that I'm excellent at planning really far ahead into the future. I see something or some person, and I can already imagine what the perfect future will look like. But my weakness is that I lose sight of my goals easily, and in planning the distant future, I neglect to plan my current actions, or the immediate future if you will. I mean, it's one thing to paint a perfect picture of the future and all. But if we don't take actions and proactive steps to make it happen, will it likely be fulfilled?
Hence, I shall resume training immediately tomorrow, and probably also start a schedule for studying and revising my old work in preparation for the new semester.
And so, in closure there are a number of things I have learnt these couple of days, and this post is really to put things in perspective. Firstly, that every human being has feelings, and I'm not excluded from that, regardless of how tightly I tend to guard my emotions and not show any. And that the best solution is simply to get a friend, or more friends. Next, that perfection is a journey and not an outcome, and that it is just as important to plan for the present as it is to plan for the future. And finally, I should try to have alot more confidence in myself and not be so easily affected and become upset over small details and focus on the bigger goals in life. It's not that those things are insignificant or don't matter, but rather by simply improving ourselves in general, we can overcome past mistakes. From numerous past experiences, it seems that it is always better to look forward to the future rather than dwell too much on old memories.
Lastly, I would like to thank my blog readers, if any, for even reading a single word I typed. I know it's a whole load of crap at times, but you somehow bared with it. Having this imaginary platform for sharing feelings is really comforting. It sort of provides some painkillers to fill the void that is the empty Soul Factor. So Thanks!
I would like to end of with a little justification to my preference of J-Pop over K-Pop, which I'm sure many people are unhappy about. Here are 2 videos of a famous Japanese song that got ripped off by the Koreans (I mean cover). Just listen to both versions. I'm sure audiophiles and listeners with a good ear can easily discern which version is better.
Here's the Korean version by Park Hyo Shin:
Here is the original Japanese version done by Mika Nakashima:
Oh come on! It's not even close!
The original singer beats the lousy copycat by a mile! I mean she has such a beautiful voice, and honestly the lyrics sound so much better in Japanese, but that might be just because I'm biased. lol
Alright, finished typing this on my laptop at 3.30AM in the morning.
GOODNIGHT! =)
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Holidays are Terrible!
OMG I can't believe I'm saying this. The holidays are tormenting me to no end!
I like a short break and all, but god does it also drive me crazy.
Why?
Because my holidays are spend pretty much in isolation. Somehow my friends never ever contact me to go out. Some kind of "friends" they are! And even if I wanted to talk to any of them, it is rather difficult. Many become uncontactable over time, and the others just don't talk to me all that much. I'm feeling sad and a little emo now. The only friend I had left to talk to just simply stopped playing the game we were playing. Dang. After all my efforts too.
Another thing I would like to talk about, is the fact that I am constantly misunderstood.
Seriously, is it so hard to get my thoughts and feelings across? It seems the only way I can seem to accurately communicate is through text. And even then, people can interpret the message wrongly! I just don't know what to say. Can you readers understand my posts? Can you infer from the previous few posts, and possibly a few others, what my main message or intention is?
I think it is rather obvious, don't you?
Sometimes when everyone stops talking to me, I wonder if they hate me, or if I did something wrong. I know I shouldn't think that way, but it's just natural to think so. I guess the same happens when I stay too quiet too. Do I need to apologize? Is there a solution? How do you share your thoughts and feelings with someone? So many questions I need answered.
I feel like a socially incompetent moron. SO not used to not knowing what to do. I usually have no problems understanding everything else if I put my mind to it. But this socialising thing sure is a tough nut to crack. I've been fiddling about with it for a couple of months now, and I'm still not very far off from where I started. :(
I don't get it, why does it come so naturally so some people? Argh.
Anyways, video time!
Homecoming. The awesome best song by Hey Monday. Love their first album. I feel their latest EP is ok, but not really my taste. Hopefully their next album will be better.
I know there are some thing I could have said or made clearer. And I regret that I didn't. But that does not mean I didn't mean to say those words. I probably means I haven't found the opportunity or courage to speak up yet. To those who have misunderstood me, or who feel that I should have made myself clearer, I apologise. Maybe I'll get to it someday, but as long as we are not misunderstanding each other, that will have to do for now.
Your socially inept genius,
TheObserver
p.s: I am so bored to death. Hurry up and end the holidays already! :/
I like a short break and all, but god does it also drive me crazy.
Why?
Because my holidays are spend pretty much in isolation. Somehow my friends never ever contact me to go out. Some kind of "friends" they are! And even if I wanted to talk to any of them, it is rather difficult. Many become uncontactable over time, and the others just don't talk to me all that much. I'm feeling sad and a little emo now. The only friend I had left to talk to just simply stopped playing the game we were playing. Dang. After all my efforts too.
Another thing I would like to talk about, is the fact that I am constantly misunderstood.
Seriously, is it so hard to get my thoughts and feelings across? It seems the only way I can seem to accurately communicate is through text. And even then, people can interpret the message wrongly! I just don't know what to say. Can you readers understand my posts? Can you infer from the previous few posts, and possibly a few others, what my main message or intention is?
I think it is rather obvious, don't you?
Sometimes when everyone stops talking to me, I wonder if they hate me, or if I did something wrong. I know I shouldn't think that way, but it's just natural to think so. I guess the same happens when I stay too quiet too. Do I need to apologize? Is there a solution? How do you share your thoughts and feelings with someone? So many questions I need answered.
I feel like a socially incompetent moron. SO not used to not knowing what to do. I usually have no problems understanding everything else if I put my mind to it. But this socialising thing sure is a tough nut to crack. I've been fiddling about with it for a couple of months now, and I'm still not very far off from where I started. :(
I don't get it, why does it come so naturally so some people? Argh.
Anyways, video time!
Homecoming. The awesome best song by Hey Monday. Love their first album. I feel their latest EP is ok, but not really my taste. Hopefully their next album will be better.
I know there are some thing I could have said or made clearer. And I regret that I didn't. But that does not mean I didn't mean to say those words. I probably means I haven't found the opportunity or courage to speak up yet. To those who have misunderstood me, or who feel that I should have made myself clearer, I apologise. Maybe I'll get to it someday, but as long as we are not misunderstanding each other, that will have to do for now.
Your socially inept genius,
TheObserver
p.s: I am so bored to death. Hurry up and end the holidays already! :/
Wow
EDITS: Ok here is the actual post.
I guess the title is rather ambiguous, ad this post should really be counted as Motivation Part 3. IT is the last part to my 3 part series regarding motivation.
Basically as The Observer, I was very curious of my theories on motivation and me achieving my goals. So I decided to do a little experiment to test if it really works out. Let's recap some of the important factors shall we? Firstly, I discussed that the main driving force of motivation is for me to have a companion. Next, remember me mentioning the problem I had with me and my friend playing the same game, but on different servers? I decided to put the 2 things together to see if it worked out. 1+1=2 right?
And wow did it work like a charm! Hence the title.
The results were fantastic. What happened really went beyond my expectations. The game is an mmorpg game, so there is the typical 'levels system' which typically require tons of grinding to advance. I had manged to achieve an even higher level than what took me a year to achieve previously, within a short span of 3 days. Simply amazing. Now I am really looking forward to starting school again. If I can transition the same effect from gamin into my studies, imagine the results I can attain! So excited! :D
Meanwhile, I would like to just discuss a song I've been listening to recently, that just got stuck in my head:
I wanted to use the original music video, but they disabled embedding.... :(
What's really funny about this song is the lyrics. It's so ironic.
I mean, the song starts off like this:
Then the chorus goes on like this:
Get it?
The irony of it is part about not wasting these words about a girl, when literally the whole song is about a girl. Hence, the meaning is actually the reverse. That means, he is in love and the song is all about a girl. Funny lyrics, but the tune of the song is so catchy that it's been stuck in my head for so many days. :/
And so this concludes my 3 part post on the discussion of motivation! My advice, is to find your greatest source of motivation, and embrace it to achieve all your goals in life. The search for motivation is a tough one, but the results are so rewarding.
Good Luck!
No man is an island
- John Donne
I guess the title is rather ambiguous, ad this post should really be counted as Motivation Part 3. IT is the last part to my 3 part series regarding motivation.
Basically as The Observer, I was very curious of my theories on motivation and me achieving my goals. So I decided to do a little experiment to test if it really works out. Let's recap some of the important factors shall we? Firstly, I discussed that the main driving force of motivation is for me to have a companion. Next, remember me mentioning the problem I had with me and my friend playing the same game, but on different servers? I decided to put the 2 things together to see if it worked out. 1+1=2 right?
And wow did it work like a charm! Hence the title.
The results were fantastic. What happened really went beyond my expectations. The game is an mmorpg game, so there is the typical 'levels system' which typically require tons of grinding to advance. I had manged to achieve an even higher level than what took me a year to achieve previously, within a short span of 3 days. Simply amazing. Now I am really looking forward to starting school again. If I can transition the same effect from gamin into my studies, imagine the results I can attain! So excited! :D
Meanwhile, I would like to just discuss a song I've been listening to recently, that just got stuck in my head:
I wanted to use the original music video, but they disabled embedding.... :(
What's really funny about this song is the lyrics. It's so ironic.
I mean, the song starts off like this:
One song about a girl
Can't breathe when I'm around her
I'll wait here everyday
Then the chorus goes on like this:
I'm not in love
This is not my heart
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl
Get it?
The irony of it is part about not wasting these words about a girl, when literally the whole song is about a girl. Hence, the meaning is actually the reverse. That means, he is in love and the song is all about a girl. Funny lyrics, but the tune of the song is so catchy that it's been stuck in my head for so many days. :/
And so this concludes my 3 part post on the discussion of motivation! My advice, is to find your greatest source of motivation, and embrace it to achieve all your goals in life. The search for motivation is a tough one, but the results are so rewarding.
Good Luck!
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Re: Motivation (cont'd - somewhat)
So, have you found your source of motivations?
What are they?
Not directly related to yesterday's "discussion", but I just found the solution to a puzzle that has had me stumped. The missing piece of the puzzle if you will. Basically I've been pretty much been surviving as a lone ranger in the world. I can take care of myself pretty well, and find solutions to solve my own problems, without the need for many friends or companions. Just me myself and I, conquering everything.
Regarding my lack of friends, I'd better explain before everyone starts judging me. It's not because I have some eccentric personality or something! It's just that I am generally a quiet person by nature. I don't really talk too much unless I have to or want to say something. I suppose that makes me seem reclusive and a little anti-social. But really, I don't do it because I want to, and neither am I a particularly annoying or unfriendly guy. And if I don't talk to you, it doesn't mean I don't like you or you did something to make me angry. I talk to people, it's just that they usually have to start talking to me first. Not too good at starting conversations (still working on that). Anyway....
However now that I look back, I realised that despite my general lack of many friends, I've always have 1 or 2 "Best Friend"s. These buddies are really the best of the best, and we stick real close. If I'm the captain, these are my lieutenants, if I'm Batman they are like Robin. My sidekick of sorts, we will really do anything for each other. And now that I more closely analyse the past (Observer skillz in action!), I realise that we kind of motivated each other mostly in terms of academic performance, but sometimes also in other areas. And it really seemed to have played out well. I mean, there was a period of time when I was worried if I could manage to get into the University.
Now that I am in the university, I realised that I have to make new friends all over again. As it seems, none of my previous friends did well enough to enter the same university, and I'm stuck all alone again.
Why did I suddenly bring this up? Well, I had only recently completed all my exams. And judging by my performance as I did the papers, I realised that I'd probably completely flunked this semester. GG (GoodGame), seriously. And me being me, I was constantly thinking, and frantically searching for the reason for my poor performance, and also a possible solution to it. Having been a lone ranger all my life, I was completely oblivious to the possibility that it might be due to the lack of companionship and hence a lack of motivation. I mean, I have tried to make a few friends, and went for orientation and everything. But they aren't exactly that close, and are so few I can count them with one hand (figuratively, not literally of course!).
And so, the search begins for a new Best Friend, so that we may motivate each other academically as well as in other endeavours. Now, historically speaking all my best friends have been male, but it doesn't seem impossible to have a female one for a change. It could seem kinda awkward at first, because of my reclusive nature, but at the same time it would be the perfect chance for me to not only improve my social skills, but also get the companionship that I need. Seems to me like it would the the perfect solution to multiple problems. Exactly the missing piece of the puzzle, that source of motivation that I need.
Great! So now I've found the answer! Doesn't seem to change the problem of how to find a friend though. :(
Good news is I think I may have found a suitable candidate, and we are taking most of the classes together next semester! Yay. Now I have the weird feeling of wanting to enjoy the holidays longer, but also really looking forward to starting lessons again, this time a better and brand new start with a friend by my side. :D
Oh well, I really hope we can work together to motivate each other to success. Meanwhile, here's a music video of one of the older songs by Avril Lavigne (you know, back when she made damn good music). Enjoy!
What are they?
Not directly related to yesterday's "discussion", but I just found the solution to a puzzle that has had me stumped. The missing piece of the puzzle if you will. Basically I've been pretty much been surviving as a lone ranger in the world. I can take care of myself pretty well, and find solutions to solve my own problems, without the need for many friends or companions. Just me myself and I, conquering everything.
Regarding my lack of friends, I'd better explain before everyone starts judging me. It's not because I have some eccentric personality or something! It's just that I am generally a quiet person by nature. I don't really talk too much unless I have to or want to say something. I suppose that makes me seem reclusive and a little anti-social. But really, I don't do it because I want to, and neither am I a particularly annoying or unfriendly guy. And if I don't talk to you, it doesn't mean I don't like you or you did something to make me angry. I talk to people, it's just that they usually have to start talking to me first. Not too good at starting conversations (still working on that). Anyway....
However now that I look back, I realised that despite my general lack of many friends, I've always have 1 or 2 "Best Friend"s. These buddies are really the best of the best, and we stick real close. If I'm the captain, these are my lieutenants, if I'm Batman they are like Robin. My sidekick of sorts, we will really do anything for each other. And now that I more closely analyse the past (Observer skillz in action!), I realise that we kind of motivated each other mostly in terms of academic performance, but sometimes also in other areas. And it really seemed to have played out well. I mean, there was a period of time when I was worried if I could manage to get into the University.
Now that I am in the university, I realised that I have to make new friends all over again. As it seems, none of my previous friends did well enough to enter the same university, and I'm stuck all alone again.
Why did I suddenly bring this up? Well, I had only recently completed all my exams. And judging by my performance as I did the papers, I realised that I'd probably completely flunked this semester. GG (GoodGame), seriously. And me being me, I was constantly thinking, and frantically searching for the reason for my poor performance, and also a possible solution to it. Having been a lone ranger all my life, I was completely oblivious to the possibility that it might be due to the lack of companionship and hence a lack of motivation. I mean, I have tried to make a few friends, and went for orientation and everything. But they aren't exactly that close, and are so few I can count them with one hand (figuratively, not literally of course!).
And so, the search begins for a new Best Friend, so that we may motivate each other academically as well as in other endeavours. Now, historically speaking all my best friends have been male, but it doesn't seem impossible to have a female one for a change. It could seem kinda awkward at first, because of my reclusive nature, but at the same time it would be the perfect chance for me to not only improve my social skills, but also get the companionship that I need. Seems to me like it would the the perfect solution to multiple problems. Exactly the missing piece of the puzzle, that source of motivation that I need.
Great! So now I've found the answer! Doesn't seem to change the problem of how to find a friend though. :(
Good news is I think I may have found a suitable candidate, and we are taking most of the classes together next semester! Yay. Now I have the weird feeling of wanting to enjoy the holidays longer, but also really looking forward to starting lessons again, this time a better and brand new start with a friend by my side. :D
Oh well, I really hope we can work together to motivate each other to success. Meanwhile, here's a music video of one of the older songs by Avril Lavigne (you know, back when she made damn good music). Enjoy!
Friday, December 3, 2010
Re: Motivation
"Motivation is the driving force which causes us to achieve goals."
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motivation
Really, this holiday period seems to completely devoid me of any topics to post about. So, today's topic for discussion is "Motivation"!
What are your sources of motivation? Discuss.
Nah, I'm kidding. I'm just too tired to type out everything now. I'll probably continue tomorrow with a follow up post, if I still feel the same way about what I wanna post. So stay tuned! And check back regularly! :)
Money, Friendship and Perfection?
I really got not much to post about today, however I still feel I should put something up on a regular basis, so you get this! :P
Nah I'm kidding, it's not a one-liner post. When have you known me to post anything short of a full page post! lol. I do have 3 things I would like to discuss about today. The first one is regarding what I said about a quest to attain perfection, and the other is the dilemma of money vs friendship.
Whenever someone mentions "Perfection" of wanting to attain it, there seems to be an automatic barrage of hate and criticism fired his way. Some people are rather sensitive to the word, so I thought I better clarify what I said, even though I haven't received any of the hate yet. Many people tell you that it isn't right to be obsessed with perfection, and that is true. One should not be too obsessed about it. However, that does not mean we should not strive to achieve it. Being obsessed about it and striving to achieve it is two very different things. In my opinion, being obsessed about it is really just thinking too much about it, lusting for it, or constantly dreaming of it but not taking any action or insufficient effort. Whereas the perfection I'm referring to is actually not the end result, but focuses more on the process. The journey to perfection if you will. Because the journey is just as important if not even more important than the destination. In simple terms, it's what we do today, the efforts we put in constantly, the making of mistakes; correcting them and moving on, it's that process that eventually leads to our own version of perfection.
And to the critics or "experts" who still continue ranting on about how we shouldn't be obsessed with attaining perfection, screw you! If mankind does not continue to invent, innovate and perfect it's practices and improve what it does, we would have been spiralling into extinction long ago! I mean, think about it. How are we the only dominant species that has stayed on top of the food chain for so long?
Ok, I think I got a little carried away. It happens when I talk about things I'm passionate about. Lastly, I just wanna talk about the dilemma I've been having recently. Basically I just started playing a game, and then my friend started playing a different game, but I already paid money for mine. So if I were to accompany my friend, it would mean abandoning all my efforts I put in the past few days, and the money I already spent to create that account. :(
To be exact, it's the same game, but we are playing on different servers, so it's not possible to communicate or play together. An option would be for either one of us to start up a brand new account in the other server, but it takes a heck load of effort. I don't particularly mind being the one to sacrifice, but it's not gonna be easy. And then there's the money being burnt. Aw man...
Regardless, I guess I'm still gonna do it. Best to do a compromise. I shall play both! Splitting my time between the 2 servers in half. This way I don't waste the effort, while keeping my friend company. Best of both worlds? Probably. Can't see another solution, since my friend most likely wouldn't start a new account.
Whatever, guess I'll end off here. Bye.
Nah I'm kidding, it's not a one-liner post. When have you known me to post anything short of a full page post! lol. I do have 3 things I would like to discuss about today. The first one is regarding what I said about a quest to attain perfection, and the other is the dilemma of money vs friendship.
Whenever someone mentions "Perfection" of wanting to attain it, there seems to be an automatic barrage of hate and criticism fired his way. Some people are rather sensitive to the word, so I thought I better clarify what I said, even though I haven't received any of the hate yet. Many people tell you that it isn't right to be obsessed with perfection, and that is true. One should not be too obsessed about it. However, that does not mean we should not strive to achieve it. Being obsessed about it and striving to achieve it is two very different things. In my opinion, being obsessed about it is really just thinking too much about it, lusting for it, or constantly dreaming of it but not taking any action or insufficient effort. Whereas the perfection I'm referring to is actually not the end result, but focuses more on the process. The journey to perfection if you will. Because the journey is just as important if not even more important than the destination. In simple terms, it's what we do today, the efforts we put in constantly, the making of mistakes; correcting them and moving on, it's that process that eventually leads to our own version of perfection.
And to the critics or "experts" who still continue ranting on about how we shouldn't be obsessed with attaining perfection, screw you! If mankind does not continue to invent, innovate and perfect it's practices and improve what it does, we would have been spiralling into extinction long ago! I mean, think about it. How are we the only dominant species that has stayed on top of the food chain for so long?
Ok, I think I got a little carried away. It happens when I talk about things I'm passionate about. Lastly, I just wanna talk about the dilemma I've been having recently. Basically I just started playing a game, and then my friend started playing a different game, but I already paid money for mine. So if I were to accompany my friend, it would mean abandoning all my efforts I put in the past few days, and the money I already spent to create that account. :(
To be exact, it's the same game, but we are playing on different servers, so it's not possible to communicate or play together. An option would be for either one of us to start up a brand new account in the other server, but it takes a heck load of effort. I don't particularly mind being the one to sacrifice, but it's not gonna be easy. And then there's the money being burnt. Aw man...
Regardless, I guess I'm still gonna do it. Best to do a compromise. I shall play both! Splitting my time between the 2 servers in half. This way I don't waste the effort, while keeping my friend company. Best of both worlds? Probably. Can't see another solution, since my friend most likely wouldn't start a new account.
Whatever, guess I'll end off here. Bye.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
50th Post FTW!
Yay! 50th post already? That was quick!
Honestly I wasn't sure I would last so long. Previous blogs and sites I've set up would have long been abandoned by now. Guess that's just another indicator of how much I've changed over the years. I sound so old. It's the 50th post, doesn't means I'm 50 years old!
Oh well, this is a significantly shorter post as compared to the usual monster chunks of text. I just basically would like to clarify what I posted yesterday about my music choices, as well as give abit more details without being too emotional or descriptive.
My main complaint about K-Pop is the seeming lack of talent. Where J-Pop was about good vocals and talented bands that actually play instruments and sing well, K-Pop only has those stupid gay Boybands (my dislike for Boybands goes way back). It's like all the do is dance around the stage and look pretty, and earn big bucks for it. Ok, maybe I'm over simplifying things or I'm missing the whole point. But my main opinion of it is not good, and unless someone changes that, it would probably be difficult for me to start accepting it.
Basically I've already stated my history with J-Pop. Actually I did listen to other music after I stopped the J-Pop thing. After I stopped listening to Japanese music, I moved on to Chinese music or M-Pop if you like (Mando-Pop?). At that time Chinese music was just becoming mainstream, so I just joined in. Didn't really listen to a wide variety though. Mainly listened to my favorite band F.I.R. They are totally awesome. I was listening to their second album during my critical exam period, and it really inspired me. They made some awesome music back in the day. It's too bad they gotta try to reinvent and change their style. Must be the critics giving them pressure again.
So after M-Pop, I decided to move on finally to some English songs for a change. Listen to Pop music for abit, but didn't find it too interesting. Then I found Pop Punk (alternative rock, or whatever other names it's called). I like Pop Punk alot, and their arrangement of the music. Basically good vocals and backing vocals with some voice blending, quick drum beats, decent bass, and awesome guitar playing. It's just the right package to make great music. Btw, I've totally stopped listening to Pop music entirely because we are moving to a stage where either everything is auto-tuned, or Justin Bieber. And I hate both just as much.
It's not like me to rant so much about music, but that's just me sharing my tastes in music. That's about all for now. I'm still into the Pop Punk thing. Who knows, I might one day end up with K-Pop? Unlikely, but you never know. I'm more likely to go back to J-Pop though, since I'm taking up Japanese this holidays.
What music do you listen to? What do you think music should be about?
Honestly I wasn't sure I would last so long. Previous blogs and sites I've set up would have long been abandoned by now. Guess that's just another indicator of how much I've changed over the years. I sound so old. It's the 50th post, doesn't means I'm 50 years old!
Oh well, this is a significantly shorter post as compared to the usual monster chunks of text. I just basically would like to clarify what I posted yesterday about my music choices, as well as give abit more details without being too emotional or descriptive.
My main complaint about K-Pop is the seeming lack of talent. Where J-Pop was about good vocals and talented bands that actually play instruments and sing well, K-Pop only has those stupid gay Boybands (my dislike for Boybands goes way back). It's like all the do is dance around the stage and look pretty, and earn big bucks for it. Ok, maybe I'm over simplifying things or I'm missing the whole point. But my main opinion of it is not good, and unless someone changes that, it would probably be difficult for me to start accepting it.
Basically I've already stated my history with J-Pop. Actually I did listen to other music after I stopped the J-Pop thing. After I stopped listening to Japanese music, I moved on to Chinese music or M-Pop if you like (Mando-Pop?). At that time Chinese music was just becoming mainstream, so I just joined in. Didn't really listen to a wide variety though. Mainly listened to my favorite band F.I.R. They are totally awesome. I was listening to their second album during my critical exam period, and it really inspired me. They made some awesome music back in the day. It's too bad they gotta try to reinvent and change their style. Must be the critics giving them pressure again.
So after M-Pop, I decided to move on finally to some English songs for a change. Listen to Pop music for abit, but didn't find it too interesting. Then I found Pop Punk (alternative rock, or whatever other names it's called). I like Pop Punk alot, and their arrangement of the music. Basically good vocals and backing vocals with some voice blending, quick drum beats, decent bass, and awesome guitar playing. It's just the right package to make great music. Btw, I've totally stopped listening to Pop music entirely because we are moving to a stage where either everything is auto-tuned, or Justin Bieber. And I hate both just as much.
It's not like me to rant so much about music, but that's just me sharing my tastes in music. That's about all for now. I'm still into the Pop Punk thing. Who knows, I might one day end up with K-Pop? Unlikely, but you never know. I'm more likely to go back to J-Pop though, since I'm taking up Japanese this holidays.
What music do you listen to? What do you think music should be about?
I got nothing :(
Well, I've got a couple of thoughts to discuss today.
Not that anyone's reading. I'm just putting it out here so I can reflect upon it as and when I want to. Blogging is such a useful tool. Even though nobody reads it. Sometimes we just need a place to talk to ourselves without having people call us crazy. I think Blogging is a perfect outlet for that.
While we are on the topic of browsing, I forgot to mention in my come-back post that for some reason, my friend changed her Blog address. Yes, the same friend who inspired me to start this blogging thing in the first place. As an Observer, that's rather sad for me because I no longer get a more in depth view into her thoughts and daily activities (hey, it's Observing, not Stalking ok!). Although the final post at the previous blog says "Ask me for new link", there is practically no way for me to ask outright. I mean come on... Imagine the scenario:
Me: "Hey what's your new blog address?"
Friend: "Oh it's xyz123.com, what's your blog address?"
Me: *oh crap*
Yeah.... An anonymous blog is quite as anonymous if someone knows your identity. Recently, I have been thinking about starting a public blog as well. If this is a place for more emo and deeper reflections, that could be the happier and more jovial side of things. Basically the side I can present to public proudly.... Still just a thought though. I haven't committed myself to setting it up yet. Managing 2 blogs is quite alot of work. I'll have to see how it goes.
Whoops, I spent too much time on that small thought. The main topic of sorts, though not exactly, is what I wrote in the title. I realised that quite a number of people have a special talent. Or something they are good in / proud of. And then I realised I can't really find one in me. At leas not one that I am super proud of.... Like the thing I'm most proud of is my Brains. I feel like I have an above average intelligence, but I can just seem so stupid at times! To make matters worse, I'm currently in a so called elite university now, and every tom dick and harry around me is intelligent to some degree. Some of them frighteningly so. I'll give an example. I just saw some people on TV with some wicked yo-yo playing skillz. Then there are some people are into extreme sports, or just the sporty sort. They have something to be proud of. Me? I do many things, but don't particularly excel at any of them. I kind of fall into the Jack of Many trades, but master of none. I say Many coz there are seriously lots of things I can't do. Sports for example.
Jeez, I seriously need to stop thinking like this. It's way too demoralizing. That's the reason why I'm working on my main strengths now right? Train my brain power, while not letting my physical fitness slack off too much. Oh yes, I guess I'm kinda good in programming. In the sense that I pick up and understand programming languages quickly. But that's mostly an interest, and can't be counted too much as a Strength, because I failed both my practical exams. Hey, I'll pick everything back right up next semester ok! Don't dwell on such things now.
Argh. I sense internal conflict between my split personalities. Best to end this though here.
The last topic is nothing much really. It's just me and not getting the whole K-Pop thing. I mean seriously. I don't get what all the craze is about! Call me old, or simply outdated, I don't really care for all those Korean nonsense if my friend wasn't so interested in them. I confess, I am more of a J-Pop person than a K-Pop fan. But it's really not that simple. I'll give a brief history of me and the J-pop / K-pop thing.
Basically I was into the whole Anime + J-Pop craze way before it became mainstream. Way before everyone started catching on. I would be watching anime, and listening to Japanese music coz I found it awesome and different from anything I currently heard of. Then after some time, it became really really popular, and I stopped my J-pop thing. So I was sort of on an indefinite hiatus from it all. Then came along the whole K-pop thing. It seemed to have come from nowhere, and apparently to me seem like a total rip-off from J-Pop. I mean look at the similarities! Nonetheless, it became mainstream, and naturally I hated it. Not just because it is mainstream. But because they totally stole the idea from the Japanese. And the Japanese / J-pop thing was something I was quite close with for some time. I feel cheated!
Do As Infinity. One of my ultimate most favorite bands of all time. See how good they are, even live!
You can watch the rest of the concert uploaded by this guy on youtube. It's spectacular.
Ok all this J-Pop vs K-pop thing is getting tiring. I guess people will still continue to like what they see. Pfft, such superficial beings. Oh well, I guess I'll have to get in on the K-pop thing here and there once in awhile in order to have some friends. :(
Until next time, this is The Observer saying Good Night!
お休みなさい!
Not that anyone's reading. I'm just putting it out here so I can reflect upon it as and when I want to. Blogging is such a useful tool. Even though nobody reads it. Sometimes we just need a place to talk to ourselves without having people call us crazy. I think Blogging is a perfect outlet for that.
While we are on the topic of browsing, I forgot to mention in my come-back post that for some reason, my friend changed her Blog address. Yes, the same friend who inspired me to start this blogging thing in the first place. As an Observer, that's rather sad for me because I no longer get a more in depth view into her thoughts and daily activities (hey, it's Observing, not Stalking ok!). Although the final post at the previous blog says "Ask me for new link", there is practically no way for me to ask outright. I mean come on... Imagine the scenario:
Me: "Hey what's your new blog address?"
Friend: "Oh it's xyz123.com, what's your blog address?"
Me: *oh crap*
Yeah.... An anonymous blog is quite as anonymous if someone knows your identity. Recently, I have been thinking about starting a public blog as well. If this is a place for more emo and deeper reflections, that could be the happier and more jovial side of things. Basically the side I can present to public proudly.... Still just a thought though. I haven't committed myself to setting it up yet. Managing 2 blogs is quite alot of work. I'll have to see how it goes.
Whoops, I spent too much time on that small thought. The main topic of sorts, though not exactly, is what I wrote in the title. I realised that quite a number of people have a special talent. Or something they are good in / proud of. And then I realised I can't really find one in me. At leas not one that I am super proud of.... Like the thing I'm most proud of is my Brains. I feel like I have an above average intelligence, but I can just seem so stupid at times! To make matters worse, I'm currently in a so called elite university now, and every tom dick and harry around me is intelligent to some degree. Some of them frighteningly so. I'll give an example. I just saw some people on TV with some wicked yo-yo playing skillz. Then there are some people are into extreme sports, or just the sporty sort. They have something to be proud of. Me? I do many things, but don't particularly excel at any of them. I kind of fall into the Jack of Many trades, but master of none. I say Many coz there are seriously lots of things I can't do. Sports for example.
Jeez, I seriously need to stop thinking like this. It's way too demoralizing. That's the reason why I'm working on my main strengths now right? Train my brain power, while not letting my physical fitness slack off too much. Oh yes, I guess I'm kinda good in programming. In the sense that I pick up and understand programming languages quickly. But that's mostly an interest, and can't be counted too much as a Strength, because I failed both my practical exams. Hey, I'll pick everything back right up next semester ok! Don't dwell on such things now.
Argh. I sense internal conflict between my split personalities. Best to end this though here.
The last topic is nothing much really. It's just me and not getting the whole K-Pop thing. I mean seriously. I don't get what all the craze is about! Call me old, or simply outdated, I don't really care for all those Korean nonsense if my friend wasn't so interested in them. I confess, I am more of a J-Pop person than a K-Pop fan. But it's really not that simple. I'll give a brief history of me and the J-pop / K-pop thing.
Basically I was into the whole Anime + J-Pop craze way before it became mainstream. Way before everyone started catching on. I would be watching anime, and listening to Japanese music coz I found it awesome and different from anything I currently heard of. Then after some time, it became really really popular, and I stopped my J-pop thing. So I was sort of on an indefinite hiatus from it all. Then came along the whole K-pop thing. It seemed to have come from nowhere, and apparently to me seem like a total rip-off from J-Pop. I mean look at the similarities! Nonetheless, it became mainstream, and naturally I hated it. Not just because it is mainstream. But because they totally stole the idea from the Japanese. And the Japanese / J-pop thing was something I was quite close with for some time. I feel cheated!
Do As Infinity. One of my ultimate most favorite bands of all time. See how good they are, even live!
You can watch the rest of the concert uploaded by this guy on youtube. It's spectacular.
Ok all this J-Pop vs K-pop thing is getting tiring. I guess people will still continue to like what they see. Pfft, such superficial beings. Oh well, I guess I'll have to get in on the K-pop thing here and there once in awhile in order to have some friends. :(
Until next time, this is The Observer saying Good Night!
お休みなさい!
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