How it began is exactly how it ends...

I know I haven't post in the past 1 or 2 days. Got project deadline chasing me. Incidentally I have gone MIA somewhat. Back to my old self. How is began is exactly how it ends... :\

I guess from this, you can already infer my 'decision' regarding the previous post? Well, if you for some reason can't figure it out, I chose option 2. Though I think I didn't describe the options clearly enough. Basically option 1 is not as simple as socialising. It involves dedicating and devoting all my energy and efforts into chasing for example, person X. Whereas option 2 I made look really bad, but actually just means the opposite of option 1, meaning I don't specially devote any particular special efforts. I can still do a option 2 hybrid, meaning I don't do anything special, but be friendly and take advantages of chances that come my way. Sounds easy? I can assure you it isn't.

For those who have read my older posts... Yes, that does mean Mr. Dark is back. Unfortunately for me, I am a coward and not strong enough, and I have to bring him back. But I do keep him on a leash now. Like I said, I am doing a hybrid style.... Hybrid Theory, hmm sounds like Linkin Park. Lol, random!

I guess I should move on to the reasoning behind my choice. Well, basically I chickened out and went for the safest choice. Option 1 involves getting the 'happiness' first, before becoming motivated to attain the success. Whereas option 2 is much more straightforward. Get the results, get the success and money, then easily get the 'happiness'. Though I don't even half believe in that statement, it does happen to be the most pragmatic choice.

I mean, it makes sense (and hopefully dollars, lol?). If I can increase my personal "portfolio" of achievements and successes, I will naturally seem more attractive. A two pronged approach of academic success and improving physical appearances (ok, still working on it), ought to make me irresistible. All that needs to follow is to improve on my personality a little and be more friendly. (also a work in progress) Hence, it is simply a matter of doing what I am familiar with, and using my strengths to cover up for my weaknesses, which in this case is the lack of experience with socialising.

Besides, from a selfish point of view... I will feel happier this way... Emptier, but happier. Was it a mistake in the first place? I don't believe it is. I am still very open though. If there is a sudden shift like say... In the next 7 days? Then I will instantly change my attitude and decision. I mean, if I seriously feel like I have a good shot, then why not? Or if the confession comes from the other party, all the better! Makes life easier for me, and all the happiness and paradise will follow. Pure heaven. Ooh, Ah....

*Self Slap!!* Wake up, stop dreaming! It is almost impossible for that to happen. We are not living in the 19th century!

Oh right, yep. Option 2 it is for now....

Crap! WTF! The timing so nice?! (And an msn message comes in.)
Wah... If you gonna keep messing with me, how do I decide? Argh...
Kidding, I like it! Be friendly and hope for chance remember? ^_^


P.S. on a side note, I really like this blog. It gives me a place to record my psychological developments and maturity. (or lack thereof -_-)